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undeed's Flamebate Posts
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Another last post wins 3BP.Log in to see images! (view post) |
01/10/2009 | |
Another last post wins 3BP.Who can poast the moast? (view post) |
12/31/2008 | |
CLOSED: Post to win 10 BP! Ends Dec. 31st!Log in to see images! (view post) |
12/28/2008 | |
Another last post wins 3BP.Log in to see images! (view post) |
12/28/2008 | |
Another last post wins 3BP.roflzors Posted: |
12/21/2008 | |
"My Immortal", The worst fan fiction ever.Good sir, your tolerance for this drivel is nothing short of miraculous. You do us a service by making this gibberish intelligible and even entertaining. I dare say that without your bumistance I would have never heard of this “Enoby” character.
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And here I was about to say something complimentary to you. (view post) |
12/20/2008 | |
Another last post wins 3BP.wait, what? (view post) |
12/20/2008 | |
Post for a chance at 45 BPspost (view post) |
12/20/2008 | |
Post for a chance at 45 BPsLog in to see images!
lolmale reproductive organs (view post) |
12/17/2008 | |
Another last post wins 3BP.Log in to see images! (view post) |
12/16/2008 | |
Contest: Post for a chance to win 45 BPLog in to see images! (view post) |
12/15/2008 | |
Another last post wins 3BP.Log in to see images! (view post) |
12/15/2008 | |
Another last post wins 3BP.Log in to see images! Log in to see images! Log in to see images! (view post) |
12/15/2008 | |
Another last post wins 3BP.Log in to see images! (view post) |
12/14/2008 | |
Another last post wins 3BP.Post (view post) |
12/13/2008 | |
CLOSED: Easy Contest For 7BP (enough for EP2!)I can dream, can’t I? (view post) |
10/26/2008 | |
Funniest joke wins 1 BP (Up to 10 BP)Lessons in manegment:
Lesson Number One
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, “Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?” The crow answered: “Sure, why not.” So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Management Lesson To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
Lesson Number Two
A turkey was chatting with a bull. “I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree,” sighed the turkey, “but I haven’t got the energy.” “Well, why don’t you nibble on some of my droppings?” replied the bull. “They’re packed with Nutrients.” The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fortnight, there he was proudly perched at the top of the Tree. Soon he was promptly spotted by a hunter who shot him from the tree.
Management Lesson Bullsh*t might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.
Lesson Number Three
When the body was first made, all the parts wanted to be Boss. The brain said, “I should be Boss because I control the whole body’s responses and functions.” The feet said, “We should be Boss as we carry the brain about and get him to where he wants to go.” The hands said, “We should be the Boss because we do all the work and earn all the money.” And so it went on and on with the heart, the lungs and the eyes until finally the bumhole spoke up. All the parts laughed at the idea of the bumhole being the Boss. So the bumhole went on strike, blocked itself up and refused to work. Within a short time the eyes became crossed, the hands clenched, the feet twitched, the heart and lungs began to panic and the brain fevered.
Eventually they all decided that the bumhole should be the Boss, so the motion was pbumed.
All the other parts did all the work while the Boss just sat and pbumed out the sh*t!
Management Lesson You don’t need brains to be a Boss – any bumhole will do.
Lesson Number Four
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold, the bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field. While it was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, it began to realize how warm it was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A pbuming cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him!
Management Lesson 1) Not everyone who drops sh*t on you is your enemy. 2) Not everyone who gets you out of sh*t is your friend. 3) And when you’re in deep sh*t, keep your mouth shut! (view post) |
08/29/2008 | |
Funniest joke wins 1 BP (Up to 10 BP)Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital.
One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.
Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him out.
When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna’s heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.
When she went to tell Edna the news she said, “Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you’re being discharged, since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the person you love. I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness. The bad news is, Ralph hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he’s dead.”
Edna replied, “He didn’t hang himself, I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?” (view post) |
08/28/2008 | |
Funniest joke wins 1 BP (Up to 10 BP)BP recieved, and thank you.
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A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife. She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand.
Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk. She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk. He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching.
For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very well. Then one day, the rancher’s widow said to the hired hand, ‘You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick up your heels. The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night. One o’clock came, however, and he didn’t return. Two o’clock and no hired hand. Finally he returned around two-thirty, and upon entering the room, he found the rancher’s widow sitting by the fireplace with a glbum of wine, waiting for him.
She quietly called him over to her. ‘Unbumon my blouse and take it off,’ she said. Trembling, he did as she directed. ‘Now take off my boots.’ He did as she asked, ever so slowly. ‘Now take off my socks.’ He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots. ‘Now take off my skirt.’ He slowly unbumoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light. ‘Now take off my bra.’ Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the floor. Then she looked at him and said, ‘If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you’re fired.’
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A man goes to his local brothel, but he hasn’t got a lot of money on him, so the Madam sends him to the cheapest hooker. He walks into the room, to find the woman already naked and laying on the bed, ready for him, so he takes his clothes off and begins to **** her. Just as he climaxes, the woman spits in his face. Enraged, he stormes out and complains to the Madam – “She spat in my face, just as I climaxed!!!” “I’m so sorry sir”. So the Madam calls the building caretaker, “Bob, fetch the hosepipe, the dead one is full up again”
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Two Teenage boys were picked up for doing drugs. When they went to court the judge said that he would like to give them a second chance if they could work in the community and convince young people not to do drugs they would avoid jail time.
The two boys went to the community and did their work and returned to court the following month. The judge asked the first boy how he did and he told the judge that he convinced 30 people not to do drugs.
The judge said, “That was great how did you do that?”
The Boy told him, “I used a diagram, your honor. I drew two circles like this: O o and told them this (the big circle) is your brain before drugs and this (small circle) is your brain after drugs.”
“That’s admirable,” said the judge. “And you, how did you do?” (to the 2nd boy)
“Well, your honor, I persuaded 156 people to give up drugs forever.”
“156 people! That’s amazing! How did you manage to do that!”
“Well, I used the same two circles. I pointed to the small circle and told them, ‘This is your bumhole before prison.’”
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08/27/2008 | |
Funniest joke wins 1 BP (Up to 10 BP)A koala is sitting up in a gum tree … smoking a joint when a little lizard walks past and looks up and says, “Hey Koala ! What are you doing?” The koala says, “Smoking a joint, come up and have some.”
So the little lizard climbs up and sits next to the koala and they have a few joints. After a while the little lizard says his mouth is ‘dry’ and is going to get a drink from the river. But the little lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and falls into the river.
A crocodile sees this and swims over to the little lizard and helps him to the side, then asks the little lizard: “What’s the matter with you?”
The little lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting smoking a joint with the koala in the tree, got too stoned and then fell into the river while taking a drink.
The crocodile says he has to check this out and walks into the rain forest, finds the tree where the koala is sitting finishing a joint, and he looks up and says “Hey you!”
So the koala looks down at him and says:
“Shiiiiiiiiiiit dude … how much water did you drink?!!”
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These three guys die in a car wreck and they all go to Hell. When they arrive the Devil asks each of the men what their sin was.
The first guy says, “It’s gotta be the booze. I’m always drunk.” The Devil decides to lock him in a room with nothing but shelves of every kind of alcohol imaginable. The guy’s thinking, “**** yeah! Look at all this alcohol!” and runs into the room.
The second guy says, “It’s the women, I could never stay faithful to my wife.” The devil opens up the second door and inside is nothing but the finest looking naked women as far as the eye can see. The guy was to be locked in for 100 years. He couldn’t believe it and his male reproductive organ got instantly hard and he went running into the room as the Devil locked the door behind him.
The third dude says, “It’s gotta be the bud. I’m always tokin’ up.” The Devil opens the third door to reveal nothing but fields of 10ft tall icky, sticky, take-a-toke, make-ya-choke, chronic, green, death bud. The stoner can’t believe it. He goes in and takes a seat Indian style with his back to the door and the Devil shuts and locks the door.
One hundred years pbum and the Devil returns to check on the three men. He opens the first door and the man comes crawling out. He’s got an empty bottle in one hand, he’s completely naked, hasn’t shaved or showered in years, and is covered in his own puke, ****, and ****. “I’ll never drink again!” he says. The devil says it’s good he learned something and decides to give him a second shot at life.
The devil then opens the second door and the man comes running out twice as fast as when he went in. “I’m ****ing gay!” he screams. The devil figures he’s learned not to cheat on his wife and decides to give him a second chance too.
The devil then comes to the third door. He opens it and sees nothing has changed. The stoner is still sitting there in the same position that he was 100 years ago. The Devil asks him if he’s learned anything. The stoner turns around as a tear rolls down his cheek, “Dude … you got a light?”
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An old cowboy sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee. As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him.
She turned to the cowboy and asked, “Are you a real cowboy?”
He replied, “Well, I’ve spent my whole life breaking colts, working cows, going to rodeos, fixing fences, pulling calves,bailing hay, doctoring calves, cleaning my barn, fixing flats, working on tractors, and feeding my dogs, so I guess I am a cowboy.”
She said, “I’m a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women. When I shower, I think about women. When I watch TV, I think about women. I even think about women when I eat. It seems that everything makes me think of women.” The two sat sipping in silence.
A little while later, a man sat down on the other side of the old cowboy and asked, “Are you a real cowboy?”
He replied, “I always thought I was, but I just found out that I’m a lesbian.”
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A fellow was on his honeymoon near his favorite fishing lake and he would fish from dawn to dark with his favorite fishing guide. One day the guide, friend of many years, mentioned that the honeymoon seemed to be spent fishing. “Yes, but you know how I love to fish…” “But aren’t you newlyweds supposed to be into something else?” “Yes, but she’s got gonorrhea; and you know how I love to fish” A few hours later, “I understand, but that’s not the only way to have sex.” “I know, but she’s got diarrhea; and you know how I love to fish…” The following day: “Sure, but that’s still not the only way to have sex.” “Yeah, but she’s got phyrrea; and you know how I love to fish…” Late that afternoon, thoroughly frustrated the guide comments, “I guess I’m not sure why you’d marry someone with health problems like that.” “It’s ‘cause she’s also got worms; and you know I just love to fish…”
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Two couples go on a second honeymoon to put some excitement into their sex life. After two days they are completely bored and are talking in a bar. The bar tender tells them that where he comes from, they swap partners to put some zing into their sex lives.
The couples decide to try it and head back to their hotel rooms. After about an hour of pbumionate sex, one pair is finished and come out of their room. “That wasn’t as good as it’s cracked up to be” said one to the other, “let’s see how the girls got on”.
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A guy was trying to console a friend who’d just found his wife in bed with another man. “Get over it, buddy,” he said. “It’s not the end of the world.” “It’s all right for you to say,” answered his buddy. “But what if you came home one night and caught another man in bed with your wife?” The fella ponders for a moment, then says, “I’d break his cane and kick his seeing-eye dog in the bum.”
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A beautiful young woman is about to undergo a minor operation. She’s lying on a trolley in a hospital corridor, awaiting medical attention, when a man in a white coat approaches her, lifts the sheet covering her, and performs a physical examination of her body. He then walks away poker-faced, consults with another man in a white coat, who approaches and performs the same examination. When a third man approaches, the girl asks, concerned, “is everything okay? When is the operation going to begin?” “Your guess is as good as mine, lady,” the man says, shrugging. “We’re just painting the corridor.” (view post) |
08/26/2008 |
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