Forumwarz Election 2008

On November 4th, 2008, Evil Trout held a Forumwarz Presidential Election, with Barack Obama and John McCain as candidates, and with a special participation from Ralph Nader. Each one of them showed their proposals to Forumwarz, in case they are elected. People had until 11pm from the same day to vote on them.

Link to the original thread: http://www.forumwarz.com/discussions/view/16969

Obama's Campaign

I’m black. Seriously. Look at my skin. It’s not white like my opponent: it’s black.

Did you know that black people have slightly longer male reproductive organes on average than white people? Look it up on Wikipedia and be amazed. We’re talking an extra 1/4” on average. My speech writer said it’s inappropriate to talk about my male reproductive organ in a campaign speech: but then I showed him my extra 1/4” and he ran away crying.

Another thing to consider is that black people don’t get sunburned. That means no skin cancer. Did you know my opponent had skin cancer once? He did. When it comes back to kill him (and it necessarily will), he will be leaving a seal clubbing hockey mom to run the white house. She’s hot enough for my extra quarter incher, but not to run this country.

But enough rhetoric, here are my official campaign promises:

If I win:

– Every active user on Forumwarz will receive a bonus of 4 Forum Visits.

– Since I am a socialist, I will tax the richest active Forumwarz accounts by 25% and spread it amongst the poorest active accounts.

– Jobs will give double the points for the 24 hours following my win.

Bonus 1: If I also win the US Election:

– I will give out free access to Episode 2 to 10 random accounts who voted for me.

Bonus 2: If I also get more friend requests than McCain:

– I will give a new E-Peen™ to those who voted for me.

McCain's Campaign

It’s true: Obama is black. There’s nothing wrong with being black. I don’t hate black people, I just love being white ever so much!

Did you know white is the color of angels? White is the color of a beautiful snowfall on Christmas day. My beautiful wife’s veil was white on our wedding day, and our sheets were white that evening (until I took her sweet virginity away from her.)

Also white is the color of the delicious and sweet sugar I put in my coffee every morning. I then add milk to make it less black, because black is bitter and unpalatable.

White also rhymes with right. And might. And bright.

But enough about my superior pigmentation, here are my promises:

If I win:

– Every active account will receive a special new item.

– Since I am a capitalist, I will tax the poorest active accounts by 25% and spread it amongst the wealthy active accounts.

– I will randomly scatter 100BP over the accounts of those who voted for me.

If I also win the US Election:

– Evil Trout will record a karaoke version of the song of your choosing and will post it on Flamebate to mock endlessly.

If I also receive more friend requests than Obama:

– Custom titles changes will be free for a special pre-announced 30 minute timeframe.

Results

On November 5th, Evil Trout announced the results from the election: Obama crushed McCain with 1302 votes, against 229 from McCain. Obama also won the Official US Presidential Elections and got more friends then McCain, so all his proposals were active for their timespan.

Accounts who voted on Obama received the An Extra Quarter E-Peen:

Log in to see images!