My name is Winfield Scott [no relation to the whig]. I am what you may politely term a “survivalist.” I plan ahead for when America is nuked and I need to be ready for whatever hellish fate awaits me. Just because the Reds are gone doesn’t mean we’re out of the frying pan.

Also, I’m a famous author. I have written several works on preparing yourself for Nuclear Winter. While not reaching the breadth of readership as, say, Ragnar Redbeard [my hero], I have reached a significant audience.

Here’s a fact I’ll tell you for free- it sure as hell won’t be pretty. Most idiots think they can sit in their bomb shelters with their canned foods. You can’t. You have to be strong, vicious, and ready to kill others over resources. You need to have AT LEAST 3 guns. I’d advise you to get some free pamphlets from the CIA circa 1977. What they lack in up-to-dateness they make up for in the lack of spineless talk our current government uses. Everything has been ruined by Bureaucracy. But I digress.

Feel free to ask me some questions. Your life could depend on it.

WinfieldScott Posted:

My name is Winfield Scott [no relation to the whig]. I am what you may politely term a “survivalist.” I plan ahead for when America is nuked and I need to be ready for whatever hellish fate awaits me. Just because the Reds are gone doesn’t mean we’re out of the frying pan.

Also, I’m a famous author. I have written several works on preparing yourself for Nuclear Winter. While not reaching the breadth of readership as, say, Ragnar Redbeard [my hero], I have reached a significant audience.

Here’s a fact I’ll tell you for free- it sure as hell won’t be pretty. Most idiots think they can sit in their bomb shelters with their canned foods. You can’t. You have to be strong, vicious, and ready to kill others over resources. You need to have AT LEAST 3 guns. I’d advise you to get some free pamphlets from the CIA circa 1977. What they lack in up-to-dateness they make up for in the lack of spineless talk our current government uses. Everything has been ruined by Bureaucracy. But I digress.

Feel free to ask me some questions. Your life could depend on it.

Clearly you get it. Survival of the fittest.

At what point after “the big one” is it permissible to eat one’s relatives and neighbors? I mean, do you have to wait until they’re dead, or can they simply be unconscious for a certain period of time?

ETA: I ask because surely when it comes to humans, fresher is better, right?

fenk the evil midnight stabber Posted:

All meat is better fresher.

There is no such thing as permissable or not, do what you want when you want to.

beef is better aged

Relevant:
Chances of Nuclear Annihilation in the United States: 22.536%

When Nuclear Winter comes, what is the time frame for when people start to become zombies? Also, will I be able to have sex with said zombies?

Zombies? Zombies? You think this is some sort of B movie? It ain’t some kids game, I’ll tell you that much. People won’t turn into zombies, although I suppose you could mistake some of the worse-off survivors for the living dead. I won’t even answer this question hypothetically- who do you think I am, Cecil Adams?

Now, can I interest you in some anti-nuke pills?