I had a sexy dream about Evil Trout last night. We were neighbours; I lived in a crappy basement suite in a “character” building, and he lived directly upstairs from me. He was moving out to live with Jalapeno Bootyhole, and he put his place up for sublet at a much lower rent than I was paying, so I agreed to rent it. He went out to JB’s place and left me the key so I could housesit for the night and start getting used to the place. After some terrifying incidents with crazy, drunken neighbours who wanted to kill me and besieged me in the bathroom (we eventually made up), ET came home and had sex with me.

I’m not making this **** up; I couldn’t.