Hey, how is Flamebate like a four-year-old with a hare lip being raped by John Holmes? They’re both ugly and split up the middle!

But! How is Flamebate NOT like a four-year-old with a hare lip being raped by John Holmes? Flamebate has nothing of value inside!

How do you get an elephant inside a refrigerator? Open the door and take the human torsos out!

My neck hurt, so I bought a new pillow. Then my feet hurt, so I bought new shoes. Then my back hurt, so I bought a new chair. Then my nose began to bleed constantly and I had trouble doing simple math and spelling, so I called the hospital and found out that a dangerous toxin had leaked into the reservoir and I had suffered irreversible nerve damage!

The nerve of that toxin, huh?! *arm spasms and knocks over mic stand*

So President Obama is intending to keep the spirit of Guantanemo alive, except instead of one prison there will be many scattered through out the world.

The thing he didn’t mention is these prisons will only be for the gays!




The GAYS.

Ahem.
I’m thinking about getting married for the…fifth? Sixth time? Sounds about right. Anyway, she’s perfect. Clip-on teeth, fragile bones, uses a cane which means she’s mobile but can’t run fast, and she has a tattoo of a public execution. I’m about to make a proposal…

Only problem is I don’t know how to convert American dollars into Euros!

Because I’m buying her from a white slavery ring!






In EUROPE!

But I love Europe. The funny sounds people make, the terrible fashion, the disregard for hygiene. Oh, wait, I’m thinking of the Francis County Home For The Mentally Unsound.

Wait, actually I AM thinking of Europe.

The circus is in town and you know what the means.

Stolen children!

Never stop.