First off, I think clbumes should have more potential for cross-clbum equipment. Ergo, instead of the current secondary stats, multiple secondary stats would exist.

Trolls-Douchebaggery (Main), Humility, Sexuality, Lulz

Emo Kids-Tears (Main), Humility, Sexuality, Kindness

Camwhores-Sexiness (main), Sexuality, Kindness, Lulz

Hackers-Processing Power (main), Humility, Kindness, Lulz

Permanoobs-None.

Generally, you can get by with mostly your main stat, but some attacks require the others.

Also, there would be an elemental system. There are five elements. Flame beats wuss, wuss beats sex, sex beats flame, flame beats noobiness, wuss beats noobiness, sex beats noobiness, haxx beats flame, haxx beats wuss, haxx beats sex, noobiness beats haxx. Every attack has an element and a number, and each forum has an element and a number. This results in a buff or nerf of the attack in that forum. Trolls specialize in flame, Emos specialize in Wuss, Camwhores specialize in Sex, Hackers specialize in Haxx, and Permanoobs specialize in Noobiness. However, each clbum also has attacks of the other elements.

Next, there would be far, far more attack trees per clbum. Also, rather than purchasing attacks with UP, you purchase the attack tree with UP. You recieve the first attack in the tree, and then level it up by using it enough. There’s a short cutscene on levelling it up that parodies Pokémon and creationists-

*Insert attack tree* has evolved!

*Insert new attack’s icon name and stats*

A man who looks like a priestLog in to see images!sssst…

Oh, sorry. *Insert attack tree* has been intelligently designed!

Now, for changes in focus-

Trolls:

Trolls have a mbumive defense that stops them from needing so many consumables. Their defense would be increased but their attack strength decreased. Their current strongest attack at level 20 isn’t until approximately in the thirties, and by then Camwhores and Emokids have harderhitting attacks. However, the defense boost is stronger than now, meaning that they effectively only need many consumables when fighting something above their level. However, they are bad at speedrunning.

Best attack trees:

TROLL POWAR (Douchebaggery, weaker levels take Modesty), which now has two additional levels- Fap til’ it hurts and Slurspam.

TXT ATAX (Douchebaggery and Lulz) becomes a Mudkip-esque branch. It’s first two attacks are even more useless than they are now but when used enough it becomes the 3rd strongest and strongest troll attacks (WAT? (300-320) and Great Wall of Text (345-350))

Evil (Douchebaggery, some need Sexuality) is the best tree until TXT ATAX is sufficently leveled.

A new tree is introduced called Constant Irritation. (Douchebaggery and Lulz) It has DOT attacks that don’t last long but hit hard with each hit. The 2nd strongest attack, ROFLCOPTER, has a total of 500 damage dealt but takes 5 turns to deal it, while the strongest, Call Raid, deals 1000 in the same time.

There are several more trees but they are not useful at higher levels.

Camwhores:

Camwhores are about hitting hard and healing fast. They however take a hard hit to defense. Unless they pour lots of UP into defense, they will typically have a negative defense as most of their attacks make them take a major defense hit and their equipment does as well. They have offense in their packs and their attack trees hit hard. They should have no problem speedrunning but have a far higher chance of dying or needing high ammounts of consumables.

Best Attack Trees:

Showin Some Skin may appear to be best, as it has by far the strongest attack values. However, the defense damage is high enough that We’ve Got a Deal is actually the better deal. (The best SSS, Full Frontal, damages for 1000 and has a short refresh but has a -2 defense that stacks and lasts to the end of the fight with the forum. The best WGAD, Sex Work, damages for 500 and has a -5 defense that only lasts one turn.

Recover, Girl! actually becomes useful. Carsex heals in the 500s and has a 1 refresh, though it also costs lots of sexiness, kindness, and sexuality.

There are also many others but they are not useful at higher levels.

Emo Kids:

Emo Kids are berserkers. They get stronger as they get weaker, and don’t ask me how that works. Therefore, they need ego hurt.

Best Attack Trees:

Self Mutilation, with Bash, Cut, and Genital Mutilate, exists for the sole purpose of decreasing ego.

Life After Death become far better with it’s second level, Eternal Torment, which is like Life After Death except it has a higher refresh (In the 20s) and in the 9-turn period, the emo CANNOT die. As in even after the first time he’s killed, it doesn’t go away.

Whine-0 ends with a pretty good End Times ability, which hits for 250 at full ego. Example:

Apocalypse… NOW! ****.

Emos are best at getting Pistachios. For this they have the “He Must Be Crazy” line. All of them are horribly illogical attacks that give Pistachio scoops just for using them. One is called Actually Commit Suicide, which is the strongest attack in the game but also kills the Emo after one turn. One is called Realize Patheticness, which reduces Ego to 1 and prevents consumables from being used for several turns.

Hackers:

Hackers are an equipment clbum, but they are also an odd attacks clbum. They have the strongest attacks in the game, and huge offense from equipment. How is it balanced? Read on.

Best Attack Trees:Vandal Haxx and Annoyance Haxx. Vandal Haxx has seemingly mbumive attacks- the weakest, bg hits for 100 and the strongest, trns (translates text into say, Spanish, or Elmer-speak) hits for 1200. However, they effectively hit for nothing. bg hits for 100 pwnage, but for ten turns heals the thread for 10. Trns hits for 1200 but heals the thread for 200 for six turns. Annoyance Haxx puts into effect over-time damage that never goes away. For instance, flsh, the weakest one. The first time used, it puts into effect a permanent 5 damage per turn and makes all text flash slowly. The second time used it makes the damage per turn 10 and the text flashes faster. Each time used the speed increases and the damage increases.

Geekage is a EOT branch- it increases ego over time. It actually posts obscure and made up facts of obscure, sometimes made up, things.

Permanoobs:

Permanoobs are weakest. They deserve to be weakest. They cannot be allowed to be strong. However, they have one minor strength, ego.

Best Attack Trees:

Permanoobs have three attack trees:Noobitry, Mistax, and LUK AT MEEEE!!!! Noobitry’s strongeest attack is a 150, refresh 1 PROFIT!. It basically consists of making a stupid phrase and then attempting to market it as a famed stupid phrase. Mistax includes Double Post, Triple Post, Uncountable Post (5-6 different posts. An example:

LOL

That’s funny.

Oops, Double Post.

Oops, Triple Post.

Oops quadruple poast.), Broken Image, Hotlinking, and Broken BBCode (120).

LUK AT MEEEE!!! generally consists of small offense buffs, and ends with Reliving Fantasies (say, a picture of a grown man going down a slide).

Someone want to draw a diagram to indicate what beats what?

Still, I very very very much agree that what we do not need is “more clbumes” and what we do need is “more interesting clbumes.” If we can make the current clbumes play in ways more compelling than “spam most powerful available attacks” then we can work on new clbumes, but kindly not before.

Basically, every forum has an element and a strength of that element. Every attack also has an element and a strength of that element. If the forum’s element beat’s the element of your attack, your attack is nerfed. How much it is nerfed depends on the difference in strengths. If that forum’s element is beaten by the element of your attack, then your attack is buffed. How much depends once again on the difference in strengths.

Here’s how the secondary stats worked-

I took each clbum and came up with what they lacked most. I then gave that to every other clbum.

Kindness comes from trolls, and humility from Camwhores.

Lulz was originially going to be joy… so if we come up with something more internet related for humility and kindness…

Humility could be Cool. Kindness could be 1337.

I would have put an accent if my keyboard had an accent.

My Keyboard

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No accent.

tl;dr