Monkey in a suit with a gun's Flamebate Posts

CLOSED: contest: write a story! (10 BP)

edit to say

ya what BoP said.

CLOSED: contest: write a story! (10 BP)

My submission titled Bip Bop

It is said that history is written by the victors.

I believe that is true.

Everyone has heard the story of…well I dare not say her name aloud for she has spies everywhere, the birds and the mice, they work for her… I will just call her Ella.

The story told now, is the one she wants you to know, the one she has allowed us to tell, though there are some half truths in it.

I should know, I was involved from the start. In fact, to my everlasting shame, I must admit, it may have been my fault.

I am a prisoner now, and I believe that soon she will have no more use for me, and end my life. Truth be told, I am hoping she does, perhaps my shame will die with me.

I remember well the day she was born, how saddened by her mothers pbuming we all were.

I see now that, her mothers death during childbirth should have been our first hint, as to the hideous evil that came forth from her womb.

Still, though we all felt the grief, our hearts were filled with the joy of her birth, the most beautiful child, a perfect child.

Even on the day of her birth, Ella had nearly a full head of that beautiful, golden hair she is now infamous for.

Those golden locks, which can hypnotise and beguile any man.

And that golden voice, that beautiful, awful, golden voice, which made even her cries of hunger, sound like glorious laughter.

I knew her father well, an honest and decent man, who became my closest friend.

I trusted him with my most precious possession, my true name.

I even agreed to become the Godmother of little Ella, and at the time was overjoyed to do so.

I swore to her father that I would always look after, and use my abilities to aid her, a vow I cannot break.

She allows me to remember now, (and torments me with it) how at the age of three, I witnessed her evil for the first time.

In her playing, she flushed a little mouse out from hiding, and with preternatural speed chased the mouse down and caught it up into her perfect, little hands.

Then she whispered to it, and set the mouse down. The mouse did not run, but rather, climbed her blouse, ran along the length of her arm, and placed itself once again, within her hand.

Then, as though it were willingly giving it’s life, lifted its head high. Ella brought the mouse to her mouth, and bit off it’s head….I shall always remember the nasty, furtive sounds, as she sucked out the mouse’s insides, and consumed them.

I was frozen in horror at what I had seen, but she looked at me, shook those beautiful tresses, and laughed her perfect laugh, and my memory of that day was wiped from my mind. At least until she gave it back to me, to torment me with.

Doubtless, there were other clues, but we were all too swept up in her charm and her beauty, her godlike perfection, to see.

Her father, for his part, remarried after a proper grieving period. He married a kind hearted widow, with two lovely daughters, and all who knew her family, said that it was divine justice which brought together such a perfect family.

It wasn’t until the day of her first cycle, her first blood, that Ella finally came into full power, and revealed her true hideous nature.

She tells me sometimes, to humiliate and torture me, of how it came to be.

On that day of her womanhood, she came to her father, and using all her feminine whiles, she seduced him.

Yes, that good man, that honest decent man, fell prey to her seduction, and with his seed in her, she killed and devoured him.

She tells me sometimes, of how his flesh tasted to her. Tells me the grisly details and of the parts of his body which she particularily relished devouring.

But before she killed him, and in the throws of pbumion, she forced from her father the one secret, the one thing which she lacked, to dominate all of this Kingdom.

My true name.

You see, I am bound by magic, to serve whoever speaks my true name. And as her Godmother, and as one who had sworn to always look after her, she now had control of me, and my own considerable power.

As for her Step Mother and Step Sisters, whom she loathed, they too are now prisoners, and are forced to serve her in any way she desires. “Clean this clean that, ugly step mother.” “Bring me this bring me that, ugly step sisters.”

She is married now of course, to the most powerful man in the Kingdom. Twas my own spells which aided her in entrapping the Prince. A prince, who will soon become King, and all hope will be forever lost for this Kingdom.

And so I and her Step mother and step sisters, remain her prisoner, working out our remaining days, I using my magic to increase her charm and influence.

So with a Bip here, I create for her a carriage made from a pumpkin.

And with a Bop there, I create a team of horses from Mice.

And with a Boop, I make for her, a most splendid dress, for her to wear upon the day of her husbands coronation.

Bippity Boppity Boop.

Super Amazing Awesome Fun Comedy Hour

MC Banhammer Posted:

Here’s one of my favorites:

A guy goes into Game Discussion and starts over-trolling.

So I ban him!

Ahahahahaha— makes me crack up every time Log in to see images!

Best joke ever.

(view post)

200 KillerWasps BYE! Learn how to not lurk K? Shoop da Woop Love your avatar and

You seem pretty cool actually but you gotta be active.

There are more cuts coming unless you people get with the program.

We want more active people, our only requirement is that you act like a spy, stay active, and don’t suck balls.

It’s just not that hard people…

wut yoa faborite song is?

Haruko Posted:

preez ter mi! ai want downlode nuu musiks.

猿さに衝撃を与えるピーターガブリエル

Hey, guys? Yeah, you guys over there?

n00Biff Posted:

His brain is squirming like a toad.

True story, if you give that man a ride, sweet family will die.

BTW, Taking Hythloday is a rather clever idea… I admit I am a bit shocked Biff.

Somewhere under those lobotamy scars, you actually do have a brain.

EASIEST BROWNIE POINTS YOU'VE EVER EARNED

deMonSPaWN Posted:

COORDINATES SENT

DON’T WORRY MONKEY MAN

I HAVE NO DESIRE TO PERMANENTLY RIDE YOUR FLEABITTEN HIDE

Very good. Allow some time for travel, but the van should be there soon.

I DO NOT have fleas…well… not many!

EASIEST BROWNIE POINTS YOU'VE EVER EARNED

emotion_bleeds Posted:

Zee offair stands, Mr. bond..would hate to zee you leave france, short of a hand of bananas, no..?

Tempting I must admit, but I have a job to do.

EASIEST BROWNIE POINTS YOU'VE EVER EARNED

Haruko Posted:

そうなんですか。猿君の命は大変だね。でも、秘密のことがエクサイティングでしょうね！

mankee hab tuff rife. bums, essiting secretionz has, yes?

何も永遠に秘密です。Not even EKUSAITINGU?

And yes, very tough life indeed.

困っている！　（TT＿TT）

私には翻訳のデバイスです。私は、秘密のエージェントです。これらのデバイスに問い合わせの翻訳ができるので、私たちのミッションを完了する。)