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Guide To Mbumage Parlors

OK, so maybe you’re single and want some action or perhaps a little naughty fun on the side without your significant other knowing about it. The mbumage parlor is a good place to start out if you are just beginning.

The following tips are being presented to help you along in your quest. If some of you have your own tips to add to this thread, please share with the community.

Gather background information on local mbumage parlors.

Check with your close friends or co-workers. Bring it up in a casual way, or you may come off as a sex starved douche bag or seem as if you are trying to get them to confess something to you they wouldn’t otherwise tell you. If you are feeling any shame about asking, then skip this step. However, your friends may be able to recommend some places that are a sure thing. bumuming you don’t want to ask your friends for whatever reason, then turn to other methods.

Searching for the mbumage parlor.

Check the phonebook: Check the sports section of your local newspaper: Keep an eye open when driving around town. They may not all be called mbumage parlors. Look for word “Acupressure” not Acupuncture (needles).

Recommendation from a friend:

Usually the best method because you know the action is guaranteed.

Call ahead:

Call the parlor numbers from the phonebook or the newspaper adds. This is a very important step that could save you money. When you call you want to ask questions of someone who answers the phone. You want to listen for how ****ed up their English is. The more ****ed up and harder to understand they are the more likely they are to have chick who will give you what you want. Call a couple to compare before deciding.

Go in and try it out:

This can be a hit or miss. Listen for how well they speak English (see call ahead info).

Visual bumessment of the establishment:

Most good parlors will be in a semi-rundown strip/mini mall. They will usually have curtains or blinds drawn and some type of neon sign indicating if they are open. There will be a very small to small-medium entrance area. If you see ****ing couches and chairs, then it’s probably a more upscale legit place. You may be able to get a hand job at best. There should be a secure counter with bars and a window where they will have prices posted and take your cash.

Stay away from place that: Advertise services for Men and Women, pedicures, manicures, facials, waxing, colonics, or any other ****ing feminine service. Also, avoid places next door to high traffic businesses. You want to keep a low profile when you enter and leave. You don’t need to run into your neighbor Jenny and have an awkward moment between you two.

What mbumage service should you order?

The ½ hour session OK, if you just want a hand job.

Pick the 45min or 1 hr session if you plan on ****ing or just want a hand job and a legit mbumage. Why? Because the house (mbumage parlor) wants a bigger cut of the action if their mbumeuse is going to tie up the room longer. It means they turn over fewer customers.

Table showers: usually a waste of money and a hbumle cause you have to dry off. However, if you see a parlor advertise table showers, then that is a good thing because it means the ladies are more “hands on”

Deep tissue/Swedish/etc – Forget about them waste of money. You want a hot oil mbumage PERIOD. This means you get naked and the get their hands on you. Also, it’s easier for them to transition to a hand job.

Prices vary by time? 1/2 hr is usually around $35-$60; 45min to 1 hr is around $75-$90

What does the mbumage room look like?

By this point you should have been escorted into the mbumage room by the counter lady. So what does the room look like? The rooms are usually small. They have a mbumage table in the middle of the room or up against one of the walls. There will be a full length mirror or possibly one of the walls will be an entire mirror. The good places will have a door, but it does not reach all the way up or all the way down (think bathroom stall door). Its, so if a customer acts up they can hear the mbumeuse call for help. Some places will have curtains. The curtains seal well. There will be a chair for you to use to get undressed/dressed, a coat rack or hook on the wall to hang up your pants/shirt, and a small counter with towels, powder, oil, and sheets. On the bed are usually some boxer shorts and a sheet/towel

I’m in the room now what?

Get undressed you dumb ****. I mean bum naked. If you keep your tighty-whities or boxers on they will think you are trying to entrap them. Get naked and get on the bed. Skip the shorts they provide and just cover you with the towel/sheet. Cover from your waist down and lay on your stomach.

OMFG the mbumeuse is here I’m going to get my penor touched…

Not so fast there pal. Chill the **** out before you shoot your load moron. Say hi, be polite, ask for her name, and tell her yours. Basically get to know her, make her feel you aren’t some crazy psycho. Tell her what type of mbumage you want (e.g. I want a hot oil mbumage). They will usually engage in small talk as they mbumage you. It will be legitimate mbumage techniques until later.

OK OK so like when do I get some action?

You need to let her know it’s OK to touch you. As she is mbumaging you, she will make her way down to your legs and thighs. If you haven’t already, go ahead and spread open your legs. Its ok she is like a doctor she has seen all kinds of shapes and sizes. Don’t be shy. Now as she is mbumaging your legs and making her way up your inner thighs let her know that it feels good. As she gets closer to your nut sack, go ahead and open your legs a little more. You can also slightly arch your back to give her better access to your male reproductive organ and balls. By now she should be lightly brushing up on your balls and stiff meat stick. If she doesn’t go in and grab them directly, go ahead and tell her it’s ok to go ahead and touch them. She will play with your junk a little while to get you super hard. She can tell when you are ready and will tell you to turn over, or you can initiate this yourself by telling her you want to turn over. She will purposefully stroke your male reproductive organ by slowly gliding her hand and fingers up and down your shaft until your male reproductive organ is ready to explode like a pressure cooker. At the same time she is working your meat pole she will fondle your nut sack and tease your bumhole and milk your male reproductive organ dry.

How much is this going to cost me?

There may be a break in the action here. This could mean the end of your session or getting to that full release you want. Some girls will ask you what you want. If you want a hand job, then use your hand and made the jack off motion. She may hold up her fingers to tell you how much. This is usually $10 per finger held up. This is negotiation time. Try to get her $10 cheaper than what she starts out with. As a rule of thumb if you are getting a hand job it should be only about $20-40. On average it should be $10-20 cheaper than what you paid for a 1/2 hr session. However, in some places the girls will continue on and jack you off with the hot oil and fingering the outside of your bumhole until you splooge. They will then allow you to tip them what you feel is justified for the service. If you plan on going back, then be generous because they will remember you. Next time around goes much smoother.

OMFG there is man chowder everywhere now what?

Relax. The girl will usually have something to wipe off your man chowder and the oil from your body. She will excuse herself from the room to go get hot/wet towels (bumuming she doesn’t have them already). Sit back and let her wipe you off. She will wipe down your whole body male reproductive organ/balls hairy bum etc. You may need to follow up after her using the towel that you originally covered yourself with.

Clean up:

After getting wiped down and toweled off, go ahead and get dressed. The chick will hang around and start cleaning up the room and wait for you to pay her if you already haven’t. Once you are dressed go ahead and tip her and say that you had a good time. If they like you they will be playful and grab your bum or you balls and want a hug etc. and tell you to come back and to ask for them next time.

The end.

I'll suck your male reproductive organ!

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You’ve got a pretty mouff

Naked Girls On The Beach

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BIGGEST BP GIVEAWAY: 600 BP TO EVERY NON-WECHALL MEMBERS! HURRY GUYS!

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GUESS WHO'S BACK...BACK AGAIN

1337xxxxxxxxxlolololololololololxxxxxxxxx1337 Posted:

wow congratts on never bein a producive member of society. some of us play by teh rules alwyas to ensure that we can still play

hope u can wrap ur head round that

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Twilight

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SPECIAL DELIVERY, fabulous person

GUESS WHO'S BACK...BACK AGAIN

I AM, AFTER A MONTH LONG BAN. ALSO, SHOCK IS NOW LEGAL? I NEVER THOUGHT I’D SAY THIS, BUT YOU MODS ARE AWESOME.

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Suggestion: Require 3 images of your gender's Genitals

BloodyDemise Posted:

unfair to transsexuals

MOD EDIT: User banned for this embedded shock

STEPHANIE FROM LAZYTOWN PHOTOS LEAKED

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