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Mission

A task given to you by a non-player character, often associated with the promise of monetary rewards and/or sexual favours upon completion. Main Missions advance the main plot of a game, while Side Missions pad the game so that it seems like you're getting more bang for your buck. Or fuck, as it were.

Main Missions

These missions must be completed to progress further in the game.

Tutorial

It’s time to learn the skillz to help you honor your outstanding debtz.

Piss off the Old Farts!

Shallow Esophagus has enlisted you to pwn the forum Denture Chat. To do this, you must destroy all its threads in succession. Once you have done so, he’ll wire the other half of your payment through SpendFriend.

Before you get started, it might be wise to stock up on some medication, because those cranky geriatrics will surely bite back.

Reward: 25 upon receiving the mission, 25 upon completion

Futanari-moe's Pervy Pic Project

Futanari-moe wants you to obtain a photograph of Yuriko-chan covered in egg whites and bread crumbs.

He has given you her sTalk contact information, and is prepared to pay most-u genelousry if you can deliver the goods.

Reward: 250

Quest for the OS!

Shallow Esophagus needs an operating system for an Asimov supercomputer. He’s working on some kind of secret project that requires it, so let’s keep it on the down-low.

He told me I can find a copy at von Neumann’s. And why would he lie about something like that?

Anonymous vs. Onymous!

Anonymous wants to blow away the augmented humans babbling at Dr. Jo-jo’s Plastic Surgery Stronghold.

These Silicone Valley skanks are tougher titties than the Denture Chat folk, so gear up accordingly!

Reward: 200

Pwned in Sixty-Nine Seconds

That wacky Krystl_Crackr1969 of Green Rights or War! wants you thread-jack the car modding forum Rice Rice, Baby.

Be careful. They might not speak Engrish too good, but those ricers can still knock your ego around like a crash-test dummy.

Reward: 250

Kristians on a Krutch

Bruce Bear, your extremely friendly neighborhood Mr. Fist-It Mr. Fix-It, has asked you to take on Reilly O’Bill’s Konservative Kristian Koalition.

These über-racist ultra-nationalists despise anyone who doesn’t look and act exactly like them. Prepare yourself for an onslaught of biblical proportions, or expect to be crucified!†

†like Jesus.

Reward: 350

Flaming Black Initiation

The Flaming Black Ops want you as part of their elite disruption force! But first you’ll have to prove you’re tough enough to handle one of their solo missions.

Head on over to That’s a Lot of Feces and plug your nose! (Remember, they want you to upload their “super-secret” FBO code to prove you took one for the team.)

Reward: 300

Hack the Flacks

Shallow wants to show you he’s no gub’mint stooge. To prove himself, he’s randomly selected an official U.S. government forum for you to pwn.

Lucky you: It’s the South Carolina Marine Fisheries Forum. But since it belongs to an authentic state agency, it won’t be an easy day out.

Remember, the South Carolina Marine Fisheries Forum is a government-run website, so ixnay on the XXS-nay.

Reward: 500, plus however much you gave Shallow before.

The Biggest Losers

“BlackSnake” Nordstrom has another mission for you. There’s no real rhyme or reason to it; he just wants to piss these people off.

Your mission is to pwn R.P.Genius, a haven for role-playing nerds, and The Furry Farm, a forum for people who like to put on animal suits and have sex with each other while wearing animal suits. But beware: these pervs have claws! (Claws made of foam, but still.)

Reward: 2000

Teh Nucular Opshun

The FBO’s toughest and most ambitious challenge yet. Are you capable of successfully pwning a nuclear power plant forum?

Target: The Coral Springs Nuclear Generating Station forums. Good Luck!

Note: The password is splodeydope.

Side Missions

These missions are optional, though it's reccomended to complete them as well.

Deploying XSS Code

Though not technically a mission in and of itself, deploying the XSS code that Shallow Esophagus gives you will provide an additional Flezz reward each time you successfully deploy it on a new forum.

Reward: Shallow will give you Flezz depending on how difficult the forum is:

Forum:	Reward:
Denture Chat	50
Dr. Jojo’s Plastic Surgery Stronghold	100
Rice, Rice, Baby	150
Fitness Faggotry	175
Konservative Kristian Koalition	250
That's a Lot of Feces!	300
Woe Is Us	750
Headbanger's Hellhole...of Death	750
The Furry Farm	1000
R.P.Genius	1250

Deploying FBO Code

Though not technically a mission in and of itself, deploying the FBO code that Nordstrom gives you will provide an additional Flezz reward each time you successfully deploy it on a new forum. The reward for this starts out rather small, but builds up over time.

Reward: Nordstrom will give you more Flezz for each forum you deploy the code on successfully:

Forums Deployed:	Reward:
1	50
2	50
3	125
4	175
5	200
6	300
7	500
8	600
9	800
10	1000

Shot in the Dick, and You're Too Lame

This mission becomes available after a certain number of XSS deployments has been reached by the player.

Über-gamer Fr4gGingR1teZ has been stymied by a basic text adventure called Trapped in the Cupboard.

Use your textual prowess to figure out the solution and deliver it to Fr4gGingR1teZ before he has a nervous breakdown!

'Roid Rage Against the Machine!

That charismatic THE_SHIT wants you to go unload on the jocks sweating all over their keyboards at Fitness Faggotry.

These guys have pretty thick skins and won’t back down from a fight easily. Better stretch your pwning fingers before you jump in the fray!