Books are one of the types of equipment available in Forumwarz. They can be either purchased at TallJungle****.com and Banneds & Ignoble, or appear at random on The Ppwn Shoppe, or be received as Gifts from rollovers.
All books can be obtained and used by anyone at any time.
Books are also known for being the only type of equipment with the same selling price as junk. They were junk items back at Episode 1, and once beta testers got the information they would be equippable items, they hoarded lots of books, to have a huge advantage over the rest on the start of Episode 2. Putting their selling price back at their junk selling price was a bandage fix to that problem.
List of Books
Buy This Book: The Complete Guide to Buying this Book
Log in to see images!Useless Junk
"Alternate title: “How to Con Someone Out of a Thousand Flezz.”"
My Dinner with Randy: An e-Biography
Log in to see images!Max Ego +1
"A digitally signed e-book by the popular blogger/privacy advocate Doctor O. It’s a painstakingly thorough biography of Randy Constan, a cosplayer and Peter Pan impersonator who became an internet meme thanks to his bizarrely androgynous fashion photos.
We literally can’t give this stuff away, folks."
Teach Yourself Binary in 1100100 Hours
Log in to see images!Max Processing Power +25
"That’s actually not that many hours. It’s in binary, see?
...you know, for Hackers."
“No, I ****ed Your Dad!” The Greatest Comebacks in History
Log in to see images!Max Douchebaggery +30
"Trounce any online opponent with this handy guide to tried-and-tested schoolyard retorts. Wanna be a comeback kid? Be the Rocky Balboa of the internet world!*
- Rocky lost in the last movie. Spoiler alert."
The Total Retard's Guide to Breathing
Log in to see images!Max Ego +15
"We all forget to breathe sometimes. Hey, it happens to the best of us.
If you’re a Permanoob, this extremely thin book might come in handy to help keep you alive while you’re surfing the nets."
Down the Road, Not Across the Street! An Illustrated Guide to Suicide
Log in to see images!Max Tears +25
"Sage advice for anyone who wants to kill themselves. Also plenty of info for those who just like to cut themselves “to see how much it bleeds.”
One pint? Two pints? Three? Order now and get educated!"
I Almost Had Sex With a Woman: Memoirs of a Hacker Hero
Log in to see images!Max Processing Power +50
"A sensational account of one computer nerd’s inspiring journey into quasi-sexuality.
Norbert Erdman’s fanciful tale is sure to uplift anyone whose sole interaction with the female of the species was that time they chatted with this hot furry in Second Life, but it turned out to be a dude, but they kept cybering anyway and then they felt kind guilty but by then the pizza had arrived."
1,000 Shades of Pink!
Log in to see images!Max Sexiness +50
"Ah, pink: The color of cotton candy, carnations and woman's genitals lips. In other words, everything that’s sweet ‘n cute in this wacky world!
Sure to inspire the girliest and most vapid of Camwhores to do great things. Great things like, um, playing with their mammary glands while old men watch and attempt to masturbate."
CMPLT MRN’S GIDE 2 TXTNG
Log in to see images!Max Ego +25
"Increase your forum attack speed by absorbing the knowledge contained in this alarmingly short guide to chatspeak.
Note: Users under 17 years old may have been born with this information already embedded in their tiny little brains."
The Compleat Truman Capote Reader
Log in to see images!Max Tears +45
"Are you happier than you should be? Then pick up the collected works of America’s fruitiest true crime writer. This collection leaves out the relatively happy-go-lightly Breakfast at Tiffany’s, of course.*
- With apologies to Jones in the Fast Lane."
The Seven Habits of Highly Annoying People
Log in to see images!Max Douchebaggery +40
"An extraordinarily popular self-help guide for the proactive internet Troll.
An indispensable resource, this is the Bible, Koran and Book of Mormon for bumholes like yourself."
The Anorexic Cookbook: 59 Fun Recipes for Water
Log in to see images!Max Sexiness +75
"Calorie-free recipes that are as fast, cheap and easy as you are! Now you can eat gourmet every day — or every other day — and still keep that slim, whorish figure.
Try this sinful treat: deep-fried water!"
My Very First™ Scratch ‘n Sniff Choose-Your-Own-Outcome™ Pop-Up Book™!
Log in to see images!Max Ego +30
"A specially designed book for the ADHD generation, this is a very rare non-internet source of literature readable by the Permanoob clbum.
The pop-up pages are comfortingly reminiscent of Java-based pop-up ads. Actually, the whole book is nothing but ads. Now that’s entertainment!"
Jim Carroll’s Photo Album
Log in to see images!Max Tears +60
"_Those are people who died, died/
They were all my friends, and they died_
Not depressed enough? Wanna see dead people? Flip through the personal photo album of punk poet/junkie savant Jim Carroll and let the Tears roll. Guaranteed to be chock-full of dead folks.*
- This statement has not been evaluated by the Department of Death."
The Art of Flame War
Log in to see images!Max Douchebaggery +80
"A highly influential treatise by the mysterious Chinaman “Moon Yu,” this ancient dogreat timesent dates back to the BBS era of the early ‘90s.
Preferably read in an exaggerated Chinese accent, The Art of Flame War will help you become a master of destructive criticism."
What Do You Call a Democrat at the Bottom of the Ocean?
Log in to see images!Offense +8
”...a good start!” This Ann Coulter book is sure to impress (and horrify) your Democrat friends.
Your Bad Behavior Killed Santa
Log in to see images!Max Ego +10
The ultimate Parent’s guide to raising children. Teaches you proper parenting tactics like “Other Places the Bruises Won’t Show” and “Raising them to be what you Weren’t”. Patsy and John Ramsey give this book Two Thumbs Up.
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