I was just now browsing this thread innocently, and was quickly surprised to see a post from myself in it. I now have finished reading said post with fresh eyes.
Bashy Posted:
You: Hi, friend!
Stranger: Hello!
You: I just choked briefly on a bit of peanut!
Stranger: Oh no!
You: It’s okay, I’m okay now. Also, I am not allergic to peanuts.
Stranger: I’m laying in bed with sore legs. Log in to see images!
You: That is a disaster! Why is it that your legs are sore?
You: Did they choke on bits of peanuts?
Stranger: I went for a run, didn’t wear the right shoes, now everything hurts.
You: Perhaps you should look into those new Vibram shoes. They resemble rubberized Bigfoot feet. *Wearable* bigfoot feet.
Stranger: No way!
Stranger: I’ll stick with my New Balances.
You: New Balance are good shoes. They have the ability to balance.
Stranger: Where are you from?
You: I’m from Prussia. Where are you from?
Stranger: California
You: Oh, I know that state! That’s where the Raisins come from! I love their music.
Stranger: Oh joy!
Stranger: Those Vibram things are heinous
Stranger: Also, they’re not very feminine at all.
You: You could paint them festively pink! Like your…
You: ... favorite color.
Stranger: I feel like that would make them worse.
You: They can’t get much worse, visually.
You: ... maybe some add-on culottes…
Stranger: Dear god, they’re worse than Crocs.
You: That’s an achievement, you understand!
Stranger: This is true.
Stranger: You know, we have an entire store here devoted to Crocs.
You: That’s a testament to Capitalism if ever I heard one.
You: I should open an order-by-phone Crocs store called Dial-A-Croc. I’d be so clever.
You: ... it’s a pun on “Crocodile.”
You: ... fabulous person.
