People drink alcohol for the flavor, for the fun, for the super powers (see Crystal Head Vodka), and for the various levels of alcohol poisoning. All drinkers fall into one of these four categories. People who drink for the flavor are absolute morons. Everyone knows it is all about the fun and poisoning. Therefore there are many types of alcohol to help one become intoxicated. These are categorized by the abv content (alcohol by volume) or proof (which is the abv % multiplied by 2).

The weakest and most worthless form of alcohol is beer; it ranks in at about an average 5% abv (10 proof). The weak alcoholic content is not worth standing the **** flavor. Beer tops out at around 15% abv (30 proof), being weaker than most mixing liqueurs which average around 20% abv (40 proof). Rednecks, college students, and teenagers trying to look cool or act grown up are the common drinkers of this godawful beverage.

Mixing liqueurs are used to mix up various drinks for pussies or people who want to get ****faced without having to taste the ****ing alcohol. Their purpose can be to add flavor (Tia Maria) or merely to increase the amount of alcohol content (Vodka). Some known wonderful mixers include: Kahlua; Bailey’s Irish Creme; Curacao; and Midori. Although they are meant to be mixed, they can be served neat or on the rocks. This is usually done in the form of some kind of shot to prevent the flavor from cloying.

The strongest of all alcohol rank above 50% abv (100 proof) and cap off at 95% abv (190 proof). If anyone ever says they drink 191 proof or better, they are ****ing lying and by law you are required to punch them in the face. The most common 95% abv liquor is everclear and is meant to be taken with a back (A back is any consumable, such as water or a sammich, meant to dilute or slow the intake of alcohol into the body). A common practice by teenage bumhats is to pour everclear into a shot glbum and then light it—creating a flaming shot. Fortunately this results in a flaming bumhat (literally).

Other drinks such as whiskey, vodka, rum, and scotch can have a very high abv depending on their age and distilling process.

This has been a lesson in alcohol. **** YOU ALL.