None of them are Scottish.

Scotland is named after the Scoti, a Celtic tribe from Ireland, who arrived in what the Romans called Caledonia in the fifth or sixth century AD. By the 11th century they dominated the whole of mainland Scotland. ‘Scots Gaelic’ is actually a dialect of Irish.

Kilts were invented by the Irish but word ‘kilt’ is Danish (kilte op, ‘tuck up’ )

The bagpipes are ancient and were probably invented in Central Asia. They are mentioned in the Old Testament (Daniel 3: 5, 10,15) and in Greek poetry of the 4th century BC. The Romans probably brought them to Britain but the earliest Pictish carvings date from the 8th century AD.

Haggis was an Ancient Greek sausage (Aristophanes mentions one exploding in The Clouds in 423BC).

Oat porridge has been found in the stomachs of 5,000 year old Neolithic bog bodies in central Europe and Scandinavia.

Whisky was invented in ancient China. It arrived in Ireland before Scotland, first distilled by monks. The word derives from the Irish uisge beatha, from the Latin aqua vitae or ‘water of life’.

The elaborate system of clan tartans is a complete myth stemming from the early nineteenth century. All Highland dress, including what tartan or plaid there was, was banned after the 1745 rebellion. The English garrison regiments started designing their own tartans as an affectation, and to mark the state visit of King George IV to Edinburgh in 1822. Queen Victoria encouraged the trend, and it soon became a Victorian craze.

Having said a’ that, they’ve nae been idle, ye ken. Scots inventions and discoveries include: adhesive stamps; the Bank of England; bicycle pedals; the Breech-loading rifle; Bovril; the cell nucleus; chloroform; the cloud chamber; colour photography; cornflour; the cure for malaria; the decimal point; the Encyclopaedia Britannica; electro-magnetism; the fountain pen; finger-printing; Hypnosis; Hypodermic syringes; Insulin; Kaleidoscope; Kelvin scale; The lawnmower; lime cordial; logarithms; lorries; marmalade; motor insurance; the MRI scanner; the paddle steamer; paraffin; piano pedals; the postmark; pneumatic tyres; radar; the reflecting telescope; savings banks; the screw propeller; the speedometer; the steam hammer; the raincoat; tarmac; the teleprinter; tubular steel; the typhoid vaccine; the ultrasound scanner; the United States Navy; Universal Standard Time; vacuum flasks; wave-powered electricity generators and wire rope.

This comes from the book ‘The Book of General Ignorance’ by Stephan Fry. Your brains are now ****ed. Have a nice day.