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ChilePepino arrived at the old inn, tired, hungry but still keyed up from the long drive.

“Good evening, sir. Welcome to Winchester Inn.” the owner said, “I will show you to your room.” As they walked he noted several items they had on loan from the museum. ChilePepino stopped, picking up a rusted metal piece. “SIR! You MUST not touch the pieces. Any damage to them not only diminishes the piece, but will cost thousands of dollars to repair.” He glared at ChilePepino “And let me make it clear that YOU will be the one paying.” He pause for a moment. “Perhaps this is not the best choice of accommodations for you.”

“No, no. I’m sorry. It won’t happen again.”

“Very well.” They moved on to his room. “Dinner will be at 6:15”

Lucinda, watching from across the hallway, laughed. “A chastity belt, what delicious irony! I call dibbs.”

Mary pouted, “But that’s not fair!”

“Yes it is” said Lucinda,”You had last years. I get this one. He IS quite a tasty piece!”

Mary’s pout deepened. “That means I only had mine for 10 months.”

“Cheer up, you’re still new. I’m sure one day you’ll get one for over a year. Sometimes it’s slim pickins.” Lucinda smiled. “But not today.”

ChilePepino noted a few of the old paintings as he went to dinner. Well, he noted the girls in the paintings. “I didn’t realize how hot some of those old girls were.” He said, once they sat down.

The owner turned crimson. “I’m not sure what pbumes for manners where you come from, but let me bumure you that HERE, referring to one’s maternal ancestors in that manner is quite, QUITE, frowned upon.”

“I thought..” ChilePepino stammered, “The museum pieces, they’re old…”

“Those are my paintings. They are of my family, my ancestors. Please try to keep a civil tongue in your head.”

The rest of dinner pbumed quietly.

11pm. No computer. No tv. The owner went to bed hours ago, quickly followed by the other 2 guests. Couldn’t believe there was no internet. He looked at his laptop helplessly. He was going to lose forum visits. ****.

Grabbing the small flashlight, he went to the hallway. At least some of those antiques might keep him entertained. He still couldn’t figure out what that thing was he picked up earlier. Clad only in sweatpants, it was chilly in the halls. He was getting goosebumps when he saw her. Naked. Her skin glistening in the moonlight. She was so hot he could barely breath. But his male reproductive organ was definitely not compromised. ChilePepino was ready for action.

Her dark hair moved. She saw him. Always the charmer he said, “Um”.

Then “Uh..hi.”

“Well, aren’t you a sight for sore eyes” She glowed at him.

“Yeah.” I am the MAN.

She stood up to him, he dipped his head down to kiss her. She propped herself against the set of armor and grabbed his bum. Pushing him to her he came fast and furious. The second time too. The third was tiring. The fourth he was getting concerned. The fifth was getting painful. By the sixth he was trying to back away, but she was holding him. Her arms were meshing with his skin. He couldn’t move except to ****. He realized, too late, there was no moonlight in the hall. After a dozen he was losing consciousness.

The maid found him the next morning. Alerted the owner, who first was only horrified by the 18 or so semen stains on the armor. It was coated. He looked at ChilePepino and dialed the sheriff. “Yes” he said “But it hasn’t even been a year. I didn’t think..we will talk about closing when you get here.”

Lucinda sat with the girls gathered around her. “Let’s see” said Gwendolyn.

“Show” said Lucinda. The white form of ChilePepino appeared, concerned, confused.

“Can we begin?” Gwendolyn was too excited. Lucinda nodded.

They started toward him.

“Ooooh,” said Mary “He is the MAN!”