man-man Posted:

I was trying to get in a male reproductive organ joke somewhere, but it didn’t work out. Also I didn’t know how wise it would be to make insinuations about your male reproductive organ size to your face

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Got a good one in accidentally once, when talking about my dad’s precision height measuring – said something about him ‘clinging to his half-inch’ then realised the second meaning about half a second later.

When I was in the Marines, it was standard practice to hold uniform inspections about once every month or so. We would be told ahead of time which uniform to wear, so that everyone was… well, uniform in their dress and appearance. Depending on the ‘uniform of the day’, we would have different particular items to wear. Camo fatigues had certain headgear and footwear requirements different from our Service A Greens, etc. And the inspection criteria were very, very exacting, from the way you laced your boots to the exact alignment (down to the 1/8 inch) of your collar insignia. One such criteria is how much distance there can be from the end tip of your belt, to the buckle. 2” – 4”, within that range, no more or less.

During an inspection by our Captain (which was a rare occurrence), he was bumisted by a few Staff NCOs from his section. As they reviewed our formation, the Gunnery Sergeant who had just given me an ‘Excellent’ (That’s only a ‘B+’: I had one single thread, about 1/4 inch showing from the back of my shirt collar…Log in to see images!, he moved on to the next Marine beside me. As he’s inspecting my squadmate, he points out that the belt tip length is too short.

“Corporal, what is the uniform regulation regarding the distance of the belt tip to the buckle on the Service A Green uniform?”

“Gunnery Sergeant, the regulation distance is between 2” and 4”.”

“And what is the distance from your belt tip to your buckle, Corporal?”

“Two and one-half inches, Gunnery Sergeant”

“I think you’re mistaken, Corporal! That definitely looks to be shorter than two inches!”

“Gunnery Sergeant, I measured it right before inspection. Perhaps the belt slipped a bit.”

“I don’t tolerate excuses, Corporal. I’ve been doing uniform inspections for 15 years, and I’ve been looking at two inches my entire life, and that is not two inches!”

“I’m sorry for your misfortune, Gunnery Sergeant.”

I took a supreme act of will for every Marine around him, including the Captain who was now standing in front of me, finishing my review, to maintain our composure. The Gunnery Sergeant quickly finished with that Marine, and moved on, much faster now than previously.

The story spread like wildfire and it was always a toss up between that and the ‘Little Silver Chickens, Bok-Bok-Bok’ inspection story as to which was the most hilarious.