Greetings, players and whores,

Much proper respect is due to my sibling of African descent, Celerysteve! He will receive this “deaf,” “stupid,” “sick” and “fat” E-Peen™ for his efforts. Also, a hearty congrats to the runners-up, who did such fine jobs on the voice amplification device.

Finally, a morbidly obese “shout-out” to the undead hosts of this shindig. What a great gimmick, and what a great job of putting this all together.

I look forward to more contests like these! Peace in Western Asia, you all.