Genesis 2:

1 An teh skyz an teh Urfs wur finishd, an al teh stufz in dem, an Ceiling Cat was liek al tired an stuf.

2 An on teh 7f day Ceiling Cat got dun makingks al dat stuf; an he restd on teh 7f day cuz he wuz pooped fum al dat wrking an not liek havng imself ulone. An he not get payd ovrtym eiver.

3 Ceiling Cat blesd teh 7f day, an sed itz teh h0liez0rz; cuz dats when he restd fum all his werk wich Ceiling Cat creatd an maed. Yay holy Caturday!

[edit] Adam An Eve

4 Iz how teh skyz an Urfs wur maed, wen Ceiling Cat pwnt.

5 Urfs no can has plantz n treez n catnipz n stuff yet, cuz Ceiling Cat no can maek rainz, but iz ok for kittehs DUNT LYKEZ wetfurz. An ther wuznt ne man to mek farmz n stuf; cuz teh clowds wur al happie an dint feel liek cryin, wich wuz ok to cuz umbrellaz wuznt inventd yet.

Ceiling Cat makez teh rain, but it waz bad idea.

Ceiling Cat makez teh rain, but it waz bad idea.

6 But teh fogz caem in liek in Frisco an waterd teh grownd so teh plantz wud be ok wen Ceiling Cat madez dem.

7 An Ceiling Cat madez kitteh owt ov teh flore dust, an breathd intew his nawstrils teh bref uv life, wich wuz sorta liek doin cpr on a mudpy, but it wuz al gud.

8 An Ceiling Cat plantz gardun eastwad, in eden; an ther he put teh kitteh he madez. (i dono hows he figurd out it wuz east, cuz ther wuznt no great timespasez yet an no mapz eether.)

9 An Ceiling Cat madez evry tre dat iz prity, an gud fur fud; teh tre ov lief wuz in teh gardun to, an teh tre ov teh nawlej ov gud an evul n stuff. man askd Ceiling Cat to makez a kooki tree, an Ceiling Cat madze it. but he eated it. (no 1 had thot of cheezburgr tre yet.)

10 An a big rivr went owt ov eden to watr teh gardun; an zen it splitzd up ntew 4 rivrz wth srsly weerd namez.

11 Teh naem ov teh 1th iz pishon (did u sneez? blez u! ): dat wun runz arownd teh hol land ov havilah wich haz a lot ov gold cheezburgerz;

12 An teh gold cheezbugerz ov dat land iz gud (but u cant eatz it): ther iz bdellium an teh onyx stone. (but u cant eatz dat eiver. An wut teh hek is bdellium?)

13 An teh naem ov teh 2th rivr iz gihon: dat wun runz arownd teh hol land ov cush wich is vry comfy plaec.

14 An teh naem ov teh 3th rivr iz hiddekel: dat wun runz n frunt ov asyria. An teh 4f rivr iz teh euphrateez (ware teh ppl acused eech oter ov “yu afraed ov tese?”.)

15 An Ceiling Cat tuk teh man, an put im ntew teh gardun ov eden tew takez cares ovs it cuz Ceiling Cat wuz stil poopd and wantedz anotr day off.

16 An Ceiling Cat sed to teh man, ov evury tre in teh gardin iz ok u eatz:

17 But of teh tre of teh nawlej of gud an evl n stuff, you not eatz cuz wen u eatz taht tre i fur sure mek u ded. Srsly. kthxbye.

18 An Ceiling Cat sed, teh man is alown an dat iz bad; he needz frendz so i wil maek him a gud help fo him. (i iz gud at stuf liek taht. srsly. An it will keepz him outta trubbel.)

19 An owt ov teh grownd Ceiling Cat madez al teh aminals on teh urfs an in teh see, an al teh burdz up in sky (an sum liek ostrijes who cudnt flyz, just fur fun). (Ceiling Cat is raely good at makingz mud pies. srsly.) An brot them untew teh man to c what he wud cal tehm: an wut teh man caled evry living aminal, dat wuz its naim. (if they didnt like it, tuff tamales, they wuz stuck wif it.)

20 An teh man gave namez to al teh aminals, an to teh burdies of sky (an to teh onez who cudnt flyz) an teh aminals in teh see, (so vey wudnt feel levt out), an to evry aminal in teh feeld (an in da hows, like kittehs); but fer man wuznt no gud helpr fo him, not evun anyonez to tak to in chatroom.

21 An Ceiling Cat caused a deep sleep to fal upawn teh man, an he sleeped; an he tuk one of his ribs, cuz it has a flavr.

22 An Ceiling Cat can haz teh rib frum man maded into wimman, but did not eated it cuz he brot her to teh man. He sai O hai, I maded u a man but wifout long hare. Hav fun, kthxbai.

23 Teh man saiz,

“Dese bonez iz mai bonez

an dis meatz r mai meatz;

I calz her “whoa man”, k

cuz she wuz in ur chest taken ur ribs. Srsly”

24 So man muv out da baesment an lives wif da womenz, an be all u can puts your toofbrush nexta mine an I no eats you.

an da manz sez orly

da womenz sez ya rly

an da manz sez no wai

an da womenz sez wai

25 and teh man and teh woman weared invisible close!