Drugs for your weekend? We’ve got plenty for you.

Want to look smart out at the bar? Try reading this book on txtng and you’ll seem literate without seeming intellectual.

Going for that goth look? Get yourself a corset piercing and a clit piercings, show them off at the club and you’ll be the most popular goth girl there.

Worried about your hand ‘skillz’? Pick up a power glove and some power fingers and your hands will go all night.

Want to take someone to a ‘private’ movie? Get yourself a couple motherboards, a streamlined OS, a dedicated processor, and guide to movie hacks and you’ll have your own ‘clothing optional’ theater in no time.

Having trouble finding that ‘perfect someone’? Why not start at the source and go for adoption and train them to be perfect? All the cool kids are doing it.

Just buy it! Do it for the kittens or the pussies.