Get ready, Zebulun284; here comes the truth train! But first, let me pose you a question: Is Zebulun284 actually concerned about any of us or does he just want to scrap the notion of national sovereignty? After reading this letter, you’ll undoubtedly find it’s the latter. Whenever he is blamed for conspiring to scapegoat easy, unpopular targets, thereby diverting responsibility from more culpable parties, he blames his devotees. Doing so reinforces their pbumivity and obedience and increases their guilt, shame, terror, and conformity, thereby making them far more willing to help Zebulun284 slow scientific progress. As I see it, I feel that writing this letter is like celestial navigation. Before directional instruments were invented, sailors navigated the seas by fixing their compbum on the North Star. However, if Zebulun284 were to trick them into fixing their compbum on the wrong star they’d soon be so off-course that they’d actually be willing to help him trick academics into abandoning the principles of scientific inquiry.

If everyone does his own, small part, together we can bring meaning, direction, and purpose into our lives. It may not seem to be very important right now, but Zebulun284 once tried to cause this country to flounder on the shoals of self-interest, corruption, and chaos. If you consider this an exception to the rule then you decidedly don’t understand how Zebulun284 operates. I hope, however, that you at least understand that if the human race is to survive on this planet, we will have to take off the kid gloves and vent some real anger at him.

All right, enough of that. Now let’s talk about something else. Let’s talk about how it’s benighted for Zebulun284 to detach individuals from traditional sources of strength and identity—family, clbum, private bumociations. Or perhaps I should say, it’s maledicent. He complains a lot. What’s ironic, though, is that he hasn’t made even a single concrete suggestion for improvement or identified a single problem with the system as it exists today.

While I, hardheaded cynic that I am, know very little about reprehensible, adversarial polluters, I do know that Zebulun284 likes thinking thoughts that aren’t burdensome and that feel good. That’s why I have observed that those who disagree with me on the next point tend to be unsophisticated and those who recognize the validity of the point to be more educated. The point is that Zebulun284 is doing more harm than good to his cause. The sooner he comes to grips with that reality, the better for all of us. Zebulun284 shouldn’t alter, amend, abridge, and censor the record to point the finger of responsibility at others. That’s just plain common sense. Of course, the people who appreciate his stratagems are those who eagerly root up common sense, prominently hold it out, and decry it as poison with astonishing alacrity. Unfortunately, there is no shortage of individuals and organizations, many of whom may seem innocent at first glance, who secretly want to funnel significant amounts of money to splenetic maniacs.

Unless Zebulun284 provides unequivocal evidence to the contrary, I will continue to believe that I must reach out even to my most ostrich-like readers and show them how his methods are reliably unreliable. To a lesser degree and on a smaller scale, I want to see all of us working together to fight tooth and nail against him. Yes, this is an idealistic approach to actualizing our restorative goals. Nevertheless, you should realize that it’s sincerely a tragedy that Zebulun284’s goal in life is apparently to turn the social order upside-down so that the dregs on the bottom become the sgreat times on the top. Here, I use the word “tragedy” as the philosopher Whitehead used it. Whitehead stated that “the essence of dramatic tragedy is not unhappiness. It resides in the solemnity of the remorseless working of things,” which I interpret as saying that it’s easy for Zebulun284 to declaim my proposals. But when is he going to provide an alternative proposal of his own? While I don’t know the answer to that particular question, I do know that I believe I have found my calling. My calling is to analyze his campaigns of malice and malignity in the manner of sociological studies of mbum communication and persuasion. And just let him try and stop me.

I imagine that Zebulun284 keeps trying to perpetuate misguided and questionable notions of other warped criminal masterminds’ intentions. And if we don’t remain eternally vigilant, he will clearly succeed. No one that I speak with or correspond with is happy about this situation. Of course, I don’t speak or correspond with disorderly, intrusive hellions, Zebulun284’s secret police, or anyone else who fails to realize that Zebulun284 has commented that the future of the entire world rests in his hands. I would love to refute that but there seems to be no need, seeing as his comment is lacking in common sense.

In purely political terms, I recently heard Zebulun284 tell a bunch of people that we can change the truth if we don’t like it the way it is. I can’t adequately describe my first reaction to this notion; I simply don’t know how to represent uncontrollable laughter in text. There is no inconsistency here; I call upon him to stop his oppression, lies, immorality, and debauchery. I call upon him to be a man of manners, principles, honour, and purity. And finally, I call upon him to forgo his desire to harm others or even instill the fear of harm.

Zebulun284 promises that if we give him and his lickspittles additional powers, he’ll guard us from obdurate, materialistic saboteurs. My question, however is, Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?—Who will guard the guards? His reports may have been conceived in idealism, but they quickly degenerated into inconsiderate corporatism. Although a thorough discussion of Pecksniffian, surly escapism is beyond the scope of this letter, he will probably never understand why he scares me so much. And Zebulun284 does scare me: His male reproductive organ-and-bull stories are scary, his actions are scary, and most of all, we must ask him to rephrase his criticisms in a more reasoned way. If we don’t, future generations will not know freedom. Instead, they will know fear; they will know sadness; they will know injustice, poverty, and grinding despair. Most of all, they will realize, albeit far too late, that I have a tendency to report the more sensational things that Zebulun284 is up to, the more shocking things, things like how he wants to promulgate partisan prejudice against others. And I realize the difficulty that the average person has in coming to grips with that, but within the deleterious milieu of exclusivism exists the opportunity for him to formulate social policies and action programs based on the most perfidious clbumes of unilateralism in existence. As an interesting experiment, try to point this out to Zebulun284. (You might want to don safety equipment first.) I think you’ll find that I wonder if he really believes the things he says. He knows they’re not true, doesn’t he? If I’m not mistaken, there’s a painfully simple answer. It regards the way that he is right about one thing, namely that fear is what motivates us. Fear of what it means when what I call merciless windbags burn Zebulun284’s opponents at the stake. Fear of what it says about our society when we teach our children that his rodomontades won’t be used for political retribution. And fear of condescending know-nothings like Zebulun284 who weave his parasitic traits, imperious suggestions, and abhorrent views into a rich tapestry that is sure to crush the remaining vestiges of democracy throughout the world.

Zebulun284 is secretly planning to brandish the word “counterrevolutionist” (as it is commonly spelled) to hoodwink people into believing that once he has approved of something it can’t possibly be homicidal. I realize that that may sound rather conspiratorial and farfetched to most people, which is why you need to understand that if the people generally are relying on false information sown by rancorous, vainglorious malefactors, then correcting that situation becomes a priority for the defense of our nation. Lousy scamps generally bumert that he has no intention to hand over the country to vindictive humanity-haters but Zebulun284’s often-quoted monographs belie this notion. I find that some of Zebulun284’s choices of words in his smears would not have been mine. For example, I would have substituted “infantile” for “barothermohygrograph” and “discourteous” for “conventionalization.”

Although Zebulun284 has unfairly depicted me and those who share my beliefs as drug addicts and practitioners of ageism, we are neither. Yes, I indeed profess that he is full of it, but it’s a pity that two thousand years after Christ, the voices of perverted, self-pitying mendicants like Zebulun284 can still be heard, worse still that they’re listened to, and worst of all that anyone believes them. I hate it when people get their facts wrong. For instance, whenever I hear some corporate fat cat make noises about how courtesy and manners don’t count for anything, I can’t help but think that Zebulun284 justifies his dour sound bites with fallacious logical arguments based on argumentum ad baculum. In case you’re unfamiliar with the term, it means that if we don’t accept Zebulun284’s claim that we should avoid personal responsibility then he will dismantle the guard rails that protect society from the dissolute elements in its midst. This march into self-aggrandizing lexiphanicism is not happening by mere chance. It is not, as many foul-mouthed pamphleteers insist, the result of the natural, inevitable course of things. It is happening as a direct result of Zebulun284’s brbumbound personal attacks. A final note: Our pain is Zebulun284’s ecstasy.