I got to be honest, I don’t really know you since I am not an older player, but I feel like I have an offer you can’t refuse.

Are you ever lonely? I don’t mean like you feel truely alone or anything. But do you have a BEST FRIEND?

I could be your best friend, the best friend you ever had in this big, crazy world we live in. You have a story to tell? Well I am here to listen to your story, I can even throw in some “awww”s and “that’s so cool”s, I would also laugh at your AWESOME jokes, because the jokes that my best friend in the world tells are always funny.

“Good Morning Best Friend in the World!”

How ****ing awesome would it be to wake up and hear that every day? Well Let me tell you man, you would be the only one I know who got BREAKFAST IN BED every day! I would give you your favorite meal every morning, bring you your morning attire, and make you a lunch for later! **** YEAH!

You don’t want to spend your day lonely do you? No one does, so I would hang out with you all day! You got a job? Well now you have a PERSONAL SECRETARY! You want something, you just call me and I will Get it for you, I will be your servent. Foot Rub? NO PROBLEM! Coffee? BRB! **** it, I will do your work FOR YOU.

Ugh, long day at work. It would be a long and boring day at home too for a normal person. But you are not a normal person, you are a person with a BEST FRIEND! You want to play some GAMES? Because I just BOUGHT YOU A ****ING X-BOX. After a long afternoon of intense gaming, why not slip into a HOT BATH? Relax and enjoy yourself why I MAKE YOU DINNER.

Sleepy? No worries, I made your bed for you, want me to tuck you in? bed time story? Sleep buddy? What ever you want, your BEST FRIEND is there for you!

If you can imagine your perfect day like the one above, you might want to consider me for all of your Brownie Point donations. If you wanted to, I could BAKE YOU BROWNIES, REAL ****ING BROWNIES. You could enjoy thier home-made deliciousness while I spend my newly aquired points vandalizing your enemies avatars, hell yeah.

I hope you have a nice day, BEST FRIEND!