“Don’t get me wrong, man. I know that ostensibly it sounds gay, but it’s a cool game.”

“For the last time – no. I won’t play ‘just the head’ with you, you giant minge.”

Jason sighed and shook his head, unwilling to pander to Mike’s latest advance. They’d been friends for a long time – having met sophomore year at Brown in a societal theory lecture. They were the only two people laughing during the topic “9-11 and CHANGE,” after Mike had kept making the same stupid Bowie joke every time the professor said “changes.”

Weak, admittedly… but this was about two months after the towers, so yeah. Mike was always… there, that way. Stupid humor, but also… kind of ingenious. Kind of daring.

“Grow up, douchefabulous person. I’m talking about implementing that Asteroids knock-off in the next episode.”

“I knew that, Mike — I was answering your question from later tonight.”

“Hardy ****ing harr, jackbum. Seriously though – asteroids?”

Sometimes, just sometimes, Jason wished that Mike would grow up… But really, he couldn’t help but smile. Mike had always been there for him – a real bro. The two finished up their drinks – Jason had ordered a double mocha chai decaf (soy milk, his stomach was just a bit sensitive) while Mike, ****ing Michael, had told the barista “surprise me.” The end result of that was usually something mundane like a hot chocolate (with spit in it)... but he loved hot chocolate anyway.

The two got in Jason’s Previa, and started to drive back to the office, rocking out to the ballads of journey that Mike had handpicked for their little morning-meeting commutes. For a couple of “infantile twits” (as Sandy Burkess had noted when she broke up with Mike – ****ing lesbo) the boys had done alright. They both worked for a company they’d started right out of college with a few friends. Together they made internet games and some bumorted humor media on the web – granted, they hadn’t blown up like the Onion or anything, but these young men did quite alright for themselves. “Crotch Zombie,” they called it, after an old in-joke dating back to a LAN party they’d thrown around the release of Half-Life 2.

“Back to the grind, right old chum?” Jason chuckled as he nudged his pal with a wink and a faux-knowing elbow.

“God, Jason! Always with the bumsex. Could you cool down for just a minute, male reproductive organs McGee?” Mike zinged in return.

The two laughed, and Jason began to open the doors to the office… but as he began to turn the key, he noticed that the door had already been unlocked.

“Did… were they going to pull an all-nighter to finish balancing the emo buffs last night?” Jason male reproductive organed his head to the side slightly, hoping to have his worried allayed.

“I thought they pulled an all-nighter to finish glazing your face last night, stud.” Mike replied, snarky as ever. “That ****ing cleaning lady we hired probably came early, man. Don’t bust your ****.”

“Yeah, probably… just… she was supposed to lock back up after she came in, right?”

“Sure. She was also supposed to have a greencard, but we both know how that goes.”

They laughed. Once again one of Mike’s clever jokes had diffused an otherwise intolerable situation. God, he was cute sometimes… Jason would’ve thought, if he was gay. He wasn’t, though. He… wasn’t. The two made their way to the elevator, up to 6th… and strode happily by the rows of cubicles towards the conference room. Joking aside, they still had some prep-work to do for this morning’s meeting and-

...

From across the hall, the two stopped dead. The light was ON.

“Mike?”

“No jokes, man. I’ll call security…”

“Hold- holdup. I wanna get a closer look…”

They crept closer to the office, trying to stay crouched close to the wall. Mike was fumbling with his iphone, trying to call security, but rattled, he kept sliding it too hard to work the damn thing. As they got close enough to see through the office’s side window, they could see just inside. A woman, bent over a table, struggling and violently pounding at her was… wait… was… Spider-Man?

“Oh****oh****oh****…”

“Someone’s being ****ing raped in our ****ing office, Jesus ****ing ****, man, ****ing… ****! What do we do, Jason?”

“Call ****ing security, I’m going to slam the door open, see if I can surprise th-”

“Are you ****ing insane, man? The guy’s a ****ing serial nutjob. He broke into an office dressed like ****ing Spider-Man, and now I he’s raping the cleaning lady!”

“Mike… run – get security. NOW!”

“Jason… I don-”

Jason put a hushed finger to Mike’s lips, then he pulled him in, and kissed him, pbumionately. Maybe it was the rush of adrenaline, maybe it was the weirdness of the situation, but… jesus. Years of emotion flowed out, and Mike reciprocated, the two locked in a burning miasma of tongue and saliva for what seemed like an eternity… before Jason gently pulled away.

“Mike, I’m sorry, I…”

“Sorry… that you didn’t tell me sooner?”

Tears in his eyes, Jason smiled… and Mike smiled back, that male reproductive organy douchebag grin.

“I love you, Michael… I always have.”

“I love you too Jason, you… GIANT fabulous person! SURPRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISE!!!”

The door to the office swung open, as the man in the Spider-Man suit leaned in to get a better view with the camcorder he’d been holding on them through the office window.

“How do I shot gay, ****?”

“ROBIN. You ****ing BASTARD. You manipulative, evil ****ing…”

“Trout?”

Robin stuck his tongue out as he thrust his Spider-bulge in Jason’s face.

“Jesus, do you know how much I had to pay Lupita to help me set that up?” He laughed, as the flustered cleaning lady nodded politely and ran out of the room at top speed. “Seriously, though. God Jay… I can’t believe what a fabulous person you are. Awesome.”

“So… what, what now? Is this blackmail? Are you guys going to tell my parents tha-”

“Going to what?!?” Mike interjected. “Dude, this is fantastic ****ing news. I’m seriously totally gay for you.”

“Oh no, you’re… wait. What?”

“It’s true,” Robin continued. “Actually, I should be pretty ****ed. I totally lost a bet, here. I mean, I always thought that ‘Jalapeno Bootyhole’ was a pseudonym, not a descriptor. God, you a ****ing furry, too?”

“Ease up on him, Trout. You’re buying us lunch, after all.”

Jason sat there, dazed, his heart still pounding. “I don’t understand… why the Spider-Man outfit?”

“Oh… Rob just wanted to **** with Lupita’s head.”

“Yeah. If you want to work here, please type “I am not easily offended!”” Rob quipped, with a chuckle.

“But seriously Jay… I’ve always loved you too. I accidentally called Spidey over here about everything last month. I was drunk as a ****ing sorority girl, and started just blurting out how gay I was for you… and he’s been riding my bum about it for weeks-”

“Figuratively – don’t get jealous now.” Robin interjected.

“So all this was…”

“Well, I had to see if you felt the same way, and this crazy **** over here wanted to make a bet of it. So… here we are.”

“Wow… just… ****, man. You could’ve just told me. I mean, it would’ve been weird but not… this ****. Jesus.”

“Alright, kids… let’s go grab that lunch and afterwards… **** it. Take the afternoon off. Jason, you’re stressed as hell here, Mike, you go help him relieve some of that tension.”

Robin smiled at his friends, as they all headed to the elevator… same as it ever was. Jason and Mike laughing – now hand-in hand, Robin striding behind them. The boys had come a long way since college, alright.

Of course… Robin now knew what he had to do. He smiled and they all laughed, but then… just under his breath… he plotted:

“He was mine, Jason. You wormy little ****ing fabulous person… he was MINE!”

...!

THE END?

Log in to see images! UnlimitedANC edited this message on 11/25/2008 10:28PM