O HAI

Ralph Nader here. Like McCain, I have skin as white as the freshly driven snow. But, like Obama, I’m also a radical Arab Muslim terrorist. Best of both worlds! Plus you get the “coolness factor” of voting for a third-party spoiler candidate.

I’d rather not comment on the state of my male reproductive organ, but let’s just say, as a consumer rights activist, I always deliver the goods. Log in to see images!

Also I have a ridiculously huge male reproductive organ. Uncut.

Since I’m a write-in candidate with a pretty limited campaign budget, I can’t offer you a damn thing if you vote for me. But I’ll tell you what: If Ralph Nader pulls an upset and wins the whole IRL election, you all get 100 ****ing BP.