In Soviet Russia, Chuck Norris still kills you.

Chuck Norris walks during the Running of the Bulls.

Chuck Norris ate Bill Cosby and still had room for Jell-O.

Chuck Norris once brought a man back to life twice and killed him three times because the man had the audacity to die before Chuck Norris was finished killing him.

Chuck Norris performs cold fusion in his left testicle, and nuclear fission in his right.

If you play Led Zeppelin’s “Stairway to Heaven” backwards, you will hear Chuck Norris banging your sister.

Rosa Parks refused to get out of her seat because she was saving it for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn’t play “hide-and-seek.” He plays “hide-and-pray-I-don’t-find-you.”

When Chuck Norris wants an egg, he cracks open a chicken.

Chuck Norris’ favorite cereal is Kellogg’s Nails ‘N’ Gravel.

Chuck Norris uses Tabasco Sauce for eye drops.