Once again folks, October has come. It is a time of beauty as the golden, orange, and brown leaves fall from the trees and a month of exciting events for young and old alike, but between the costumed trickery and candy-filled fun, we often forget about a more solemn and dignified aspect of the month – that it is also Domestic Violence Awareness Month.

Yes indeed, it is once again time to honor outstanding examples in the field of truly masterful domestic abuse, and to pay respect to fallen heroes of the craft. Together, it is our civic duty to ensure that every wife, child, and even household pet knows their place in the home – and this October, we will spread the word that NO MAN SHOULD EVER BE FORCED TO FEEL EMASCULATED IN HIS OWN DOMAIN.

America, I appeal to you not as an intellectual, but as a simple man: LET’S MAKE THIS THE GREATEST DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AWARENESS MONTH EVER!

I will now open the Forumwarz festivities with a musical number: