I hire a cropduster, then seed the hill, currently occupied by TUBSWEETIE, with honey. I then go to the local nature conservatory, break in, and steal their red ant display. I release the ants on the hill. While they devour TUBSWEETIE and all his squirrel friends, I’m at the local Target buying lots of Raid. I return to the hill and kill all the ants with the Raid. I then get back in my cropduster and douse the hill with water, removing the poison. Finally, I parachute out of the cropduster, landing squarely on the top of the hill while watching the cropduster explode in a beautiful fireball as it crashes into the next hill.

I own the hill.