Inspector, Monkey is still… asleep. An over-indulgence in bananas last night, I’m afraid. I tried to wake him, but to no avail. My nerves, however, are shattered from that horrible snoring. We really should look into surgery for him.
Anyways, while I was in his room, I noticed this printout on the floor beside his bed. Don’t ask me how I managed to see it among all of the papers, dirty laundry, stuffed toys, and banana peels, but somehow is stood out. Unfortunately, Monkey had spilled coffee all over it, and the date has been blurred beyond legibility.
Tubmail from: John McClane (codename: Over9000)
Coming to the Era of Winter
Agent MiaSwag, I realize you have never met me. Depending on the events of the next few days, you may never meet me… and maybe I’ll never have met you. Time is fluid. But I want you to know that the years in your service were the finest years of my life. I have nothing but the utmost respect for the agency.
I just wanted you to know that… just in case.
The time for cryptic statements has faded. I am being held at HP. I sent a message with the coordinates to all channels. Now, I don’t know where it could have gone- maybe you picked it up and you already have a copy. But a map is no good without a ship, so whether you have the coordinates or not you must track down Enricio Ramirez… citizen. He lives in Mapsterdale, near where I grew up. A simple Sentrillion search should uncover him. Bring a team of agents and expect some casualties. And have mercy on whoever you find inside that house. One is confused and the other is traumatized beyond your wildest imaginations.
Right now, in your time, a cataclysm is happening. You will probably be aware of it by morning. For now, sleep. Read about it in the morning paper. You can do nothing about it, not yet, and there is much to rest up for tomorrow. Let the cataclysm be your second priority. As incredible as it may seem when you learn the news, there are bigger things at stake.
Find BOTS. Use his device to get to my location. And when you go, bring an army. You will need one. Once you arrive I will continue to direct you.
Turn the Hourglbum!
What on earth could this mean? Time travel. This is getting… ridiculous. Nothing makes sense any more.
