Okay, Lady Banhammer and I have worked out our difficulties. But now I have a whole new set of difficulties.

It’s hard to stay mad at a woman you think intentionally sabotaged your condom when the results are such a cute baby. Loving and coddling him through his first hour or so of babydom was a joy and Lady Banhammer and I became even closer. But then, as the hyper-enhanced maturation of hammer babies kicked in, the child grew, and became, if you’ll pardon the pun, as hard as nails to deal with.

It was rough those first 24 hours, and I think we failed as parents. The boy didn’t get enough self-esteem, and I blame myself — and so does he. Alas, there’s nothing to be done now. He’s a full-grown teen, out on his own, and I wish him the best of luck.

Especially seeing as I want nothing to do with him anymore. I couldn’t deal with his tantrums on Saturday, I can’t deal with his incessant whining today. So good luck, and just keep your distance.