Since most of you seem to be enjoying this, I have a proposition for you. I have a story here, written by someone that (if you have been following this thread) you know quite well. I think this story needs taking down a peg, especially since the author thinks that it could be expanded to make a :gasp: novel. Unfortunately, I am in no position to add witty commentary to this one. Have you guessed why? That’s right. Its because I’M the author. What I propose is this; you, yes you, get to deface one of my own personal short stories. The author of the one I deem funniest gets to choose another fanfiction for me to savage. This does not mean I’m done with My Immortal. Far from it. It’s just that I feel like a change, and I feel like the audience is entitled to a little compensation for reading this far.

The competition is open from now until I post chapter 10. If there are no takers, I’ll just continue with My Immortal. Happy critiquing!

Story text here, so don’t confuse it with ‘My Immortal’. It may be bad, but not that bad. I would put it in spoiler tags, but I don’t know how.Log in to see images! HALP.

You there. Yes you, with the robe pulled up to your face. Come here. I heard you’ve been asking about me. The mysterious man with no name. Everyone in this bar has a story to tell. Why are you so interested in mine? I see. ‘I seem familiar’. You sure you want to hear my story? It’s not pretty. You won’t like the ending. Okay then. For as long as I can remember, I had two friends in my village. One boy and one girl. We would play outside when it wasn’t so dark, when the danger was lowest. We would make believe that we were Vampire Hunters, slaying the great menace that stalks our lands. We would alternate between hunter and hunted, good and evil. I see a glint of recognition in your eyes. Maybe you used to do the same? Anyway, the deep friendship I felt about my lady companion eventually grew to something more. I never spoke of it though. In the end, it was too late. My other companion evidently felt the same way about her as I did, and so he proposed. She agreed, and inside my heart was broken. I still loved her, even though she was now never to be mine. Do not think I ever tried acting on my feelings, as some are wont to do. I am, after all, a gentleman. Some years pbumed, and eventually, the vampire threat selected our village. Our children were stolen in the night, and our women were defiled. Many brave men tried to fight back, and after a while they pin-pointed the source of the attacks. Of course, they all perished in the counter-attacks, rest their souls. All that was left of them in the morning was their severed heads pinned to their homes. Each one of them had the most terrifying expression, locked in place for the rest of eternity. BY this time my friends and I had become vampire slayers. We were away purifying a nest of the foul creatures when our kinsmen fought back, so don’t think for one second that we sat back while our friends and family were slaughtered. When we heard of the atrocity, we immediately set out to combat the demonic foe. While the villagers had pitchforks and torches, we had holy water and sharpened stakes. Due to our experience, I thought they would fall easily. I had no idea at the time that this was to be the worst night of my life. It started routinely enough. We came across a few of the abhorrent creatures sleeping just inside the wood. We slew them where they slept. As we went deeper, however, I started to become uneasy. Why weren’t we meeting more resistance? I know now, of course, but at the time I had absolute trust in my ‘friend’. They attacked all at once. Two of us tried to fight them off, but he just stood there. Watched as she was pinned down. Watched as his wife was ravaged. Watched as the woman I loved was torn apart. I lived that day. But at the same time, I died. I couldn’t find his body, but I did bury all that I could find of my love. I know what happened now. Later on, there were talks of a ‘Vampire King’. One that is human, but consorts with the night. He sold his soul for power. I sold mine for revenge. That’s why I came here. I heard that the King had set his sights on this village. I would find him, and exact my vengeance. And now, finally, I find you. You bastard. It may have been one- hundred years since I last saw you, but don’t think I could forget the person who tore my world apart. Don’t move. Not that you could, anyway. I’ve learned a few new tricks since that night. I am going to make you suffer, as she suffered. Each day you will beg for a death that cannot be granted. And I’m not going anywhere either. I’m marked too. The mark of Cain. Eternal life, and for you, my friend; eternal pain.

Copyright 2008 King Krimson. Please don’t try to pbum this work off as your own, as that would be illegal. Have fun!