My name is Winfield Scott [no relation to the whig]. I am what you may politely term a “survivalist.” I plan ahead for when America is nuked and I need to be ready for whatever hellish fate awaits me. Just because the Reds are gone doesn’t mean we’re out of the frying pan.

Also, I’m a famous author. I have written several works on preparing yourself for Nuclear Winter. While not reaching the breadth of readership as, say, Ragnar Redbeard [my hero], I have reached a significant audience.

Here’s a fact I’ll tell you for free- it sure as hell won’t be pretty. Most idiots think they can sit in their bomb shelters with their canned foods. You can’t. You have to be strong, vicious, and ready to kill others over resources. You need to have AT LEAST 3 guns. I’d advise you to get some free pamphlets from the CIA circa 1977. What they lack in up-to-dateness they make up for in the lack of spineless talk our current government uses. Everything has been ruined by Bureaucracy. But I digress.

Feel free to ask me some questions. Your life could depend on it.