Yes, it’s true. I really do love Mexicans.

This week, I got a new gardener. His name is Juan, and I bumure you that he’s perfectly legal. Believe me, I do not stand for the flouting of immigration laws.

Juan knocked on my door this past Saturday and asked if I’d like some help with my yard. Well, you know, I’m getting older and I can’t mow the grbum like I used to, and my arthritis acts up so in this rainy weather.

I told Juan that I would very much like some help with my bushes, because they’ve gotten so overgrown. No one’s been tending them since my husband died. However, I demanded that he first produce a green card before I would agree to hire him. He seemed a bit confused by that, so I took my time and carefully explained to him, “No green card, no work. You show green card.”

Juan came back the next day with his birth certificate. It seems that he was born right here in the USA, in Texas. His parents must have been very wily, crossing the border right before his mother was due to give birth. I complimented Juan on their ingenuity and told him that he could start this week.

Well, I want you to know, he has just done a phenomenal job on my lawn, and the work he did on my bushes made me cry out in ecstasy. That man certainly knows how to use a tool.

Yes, Mexicans are lovely people.

Of course, I wouldn’t let my daughter marry one.