Your story of love is beautiful, and while I personally have only known love and loss, you reminded me of something I wrote:

Smile, laugh, do a little dance, dance a little more, do a leap, hide yourself, spin wildly. Look all around you, the smiling faces, the laughing cheers, grit your teeth and keep going. Best not slow, best not stop, else it will all catch up with you and you’ll crash to a grinding halt—everyone will look at you, everyone will know your secret. Keep dancing. You do a spin, thinking not of someone, because there is no one to think about, and think instead whether or not this is all worth it, whether or not you will find someone who knows you, who knows the dance you do is of desperation, who knows the pain that you know as deeply as you do.

You turn, point your foot, balance for a second, trip lightly down the path with the others, gaily chattering, talking of this, of that, of nothing, of everything. You stay in step, keep going, keeping attention from focusing on you by focusing attention on those not in step. Only by focusing on those not in step can your own minute variations upon the theme being danced by all be ignored. You think back to the night when you’d told him that you couldn’t do it, that you weren’t ready for a serious relationship, and you remember his solemn expression as he uttered those fateful words: “A full commitment’s what I’m thinking of. You wouldn’t get this from any other guy.” If only you’d known how serious he was. If only you’d known what he would do.

Do a turn, a spin, a leap, and fall lightly to your feet, faster than light, lighter than air, not thinking, not doing anything but living at the moment, breathing, staying alive, doing the dance from desperation. Those around you twirl wildly, madly, flinging themselves in all directions, gracefully recovering, only to leap off again, jumping off ledges, hanging still in midair before slowly descending to the earth, only to regain balance and leap high into the air once more. You wish so desperately that you had hearkened to his words: “I just wanna tell you how I’m feeling — gotta make you understand.” Now it was too late. Dance madly, dance on, dance desperately, dance for life, dance to your death.