Hey guys, you’re theories are wonderful, but you seem to be forgetting one key factor.

I AM THE MANPHIN. I KNOW MY ORIGINS.

FACT – I EVOLVED FROM DOLPHINS

FACT – I AM PRE-HUMAN

FACT – I AM THE MISSING LINK

FACT – TSB RULES

FACT – I AM LISTING FACTS

FACT – MYSPACE TOM IS MY BFF

FACT – I MIGHT START A STREET GANG CALLED THE DOLPHINS AND WE WILL ****ING CUT YOU

FACT – WE MIGHT ALSO HAVE LEATHER JACKETS WITH A ****IN DOLPHIN ON THE BACK EMBROIDERED BY CHINESE CHILD LABOR

FACT – WE MIGHT ATTACK YOU ON LAND OR IN THE OCEAN

FACT – YOU SHOULD BE SCARED

FACT – THIS IS QUITE A LOT OF FACTS

FACT – READ YOUR BIBLE – ALL OF THIS IS IN IT

FACT – YOUR ENCYCLOPEDIA TOO

FACT – IF IT’S NOT, YOUR GOVERNMENT IS LYING TO YOU BECAUSE THEY FEAR A DOLPHIN POWER COUP

FACT – IF THERE IS ONE, MY GANG WILL LEAD IT, AND IT WILL BE BLOODLESS UNLESS YOU RESIST