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Limericks | |||||||
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There once was a fellow McSweeny Who spilled some gin on his weenie Just to be couth He added vermouth Then slipped his girlfriend a martini . There once was a man Robin Hood Who lived in a Knottingham wood He learned how to **** from old Friar Tuck And made Marion whenever he could . There once was a fellow O’Doole Who found little red spots on his tool His Doctor a cynic said Get out of me clinic, And wipe off that lipstick you fool! . A pirate, history relates Was scuffling with some of his mates When he slipped on a cutlbum Which rendered him nutless And practically useless on dates . There once was a plumber from Lee Who was plumbing his girl by the sea She said Stop your plumbing, There’s somebody coming! Said the plumber still plumbing… It’s me! . On the moors Kelly walked in a daze There she’d bark at the moon and the haze Still her friends weren’t concerned For by now they had learned Once a month she would go through this phase. . A randy marsupial named Reeves Spent some time with the whores ‘tween their knees When they’d asked him for money He’d say “Listen honey A koala eats bushes and leaves.” . Now down in the valley of Shneel Lived a woman who loved to reveal With her curtains well drawn Standing bare as a fawn She’d do this really neat trick with an eel . Now this right old man was a sick ‘un He had a dozen hen ripe for the pickin’ He’d chase ‘em around With his trousers pulled down And he’d say “Whatsa matter, you chicken?” . A new farmer’s helper named Kull Accidentally was milking a bull The farmer said, “Boy yer dumb, You done milked the wrong one!” Said the boy, “But me whole bucket’s full.” . Twas a crazy old man called O’Keef Who caused local farmers much grief To their cows he would run Cut their legs off for fun And say “Look, I’ve invented ground beef!” . There once was a man from Madrbum Whose balls were made out of brbum When he’d bang ‘em together They’d play stormy weather And lightning would shoot out of his bum . There once was a man from East Kent Whose tool was so long that it bent To save her some trouble He folded it double And instead of coming…he went . There once was a man from Bonaire Who was doing his wife on the stair When the banister broke He doubled his stroke And finished her off in midair . On a knoll a young maiden named Molly Her innocence lost through young folly His name was Sing Chum And too soon he did great times And all he could say was “I’m solly!” . A bear taking a dump asked a rabbit “Does **** stick to your fur as a habit?” “Of course not,” said the hare, “It’s really quite rare!” So the bear wiped his bum with the rabbit. . There once was a girl named Tristan Whose beer that she ordered was was ****ed in She said “I don’t think,” As she spit out her drink, “On the menu that this one was listed.” . I had me a wench from East Broint Who bade me her skin to anoint The girl had arthritis And so I decided She wouldn’t mind one more stiff joint. emotion_bleeds edited this message on 06/13/2008 5:20PMLog in to see images! |
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Posted On: 06/13/2008 5:20PM | View emotion_bleeds's Profile | # | ||||||
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****es ****es ****es Britches britches britches Ate a horse Now I’m not Jesus christ you’re such an bumhole. Lo! Log in to see images! Log in to see images! |
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Posted On: 06/13/2008 5:38PM | View TeeKayEff's Profile | # | ||||||
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There were two young ladies from Birmingham And here is the story concerning ‘em. They lifted the frock and they sucked on the male reproductive organ of the bishop as he was confirming ‘em. . But the Bishop was nobody’s fool – He’d been to a large public school. He took down his britches And bum-Frosted those ****es With his twelve-inch Episcopal tool. . But that didn’t bother those two. They said, as the Bishop withdrew: “The Vicar is quicker, and thicker, and slicker, and longer and stronger than you.” . An Argentine gaucho named Bruno Said Frosting is one thing I do know Now women are fine And sheep are divine But llamas are numero uno . In days of old when men were bold and rubbers wern’t invented they would take a sock wrap it round their male reproductive organ and babies were prevented . There once was a man named Dave, Who kept a dead whore in a cave, He said “I admit, I am a bit of a Shakespeare, But think of the money I save”. . there once was a very special chap, who yammered on about crap, offended we’d be, the missus and me, when he’d pull down his pants and fap . There once was a hooker named Sue, Who filled her woman's genitals with glue. When they paid to get in, She said with a grin, You must pay to get out of it too . there was a man from goshem who took out his balls to wash em his wife said jack if ya dont put em back ill step on the bastards and squash em Log in to see images! |
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Posted On: 06/13/2008 5:46PM | View emotion_bleeds's Profile | # | ||||||
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i find limericks to be too whimsical and repressive for poetry my poems should be free from all rules~ ‘twas brillig, and the slithy toves did gyre and gimble in the wabe; all mimsy were the borogoves, and the mome raths outgrabe |
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Posted On: 06/13/2008 9:03PM | View Alice Liddell's Profile | # | ||||||
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I find these…humorous. I laugh, even. If you read the clues… You’ll find this is a most difficult thing to do. |
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Posted On: 06/14/2008 10:24AM | View ShunskePockenber...'s Profile | # | ||||||
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THERE WAS A YOUNG BLACK MAN NAMED fine upstanding member of society WHO KNEW THAT HIS male reproductive organ WAS BIGGER HE WAS IN A PORNO HIS CO-STAR SAID “WHOA” AND BOUNCED ON HIS HARD male reproductive organ LIKE TIGGER i have the soul of a poet [quote]Golden Horde Posted:
I believe you, after all why should you guys cover it up? Some ****ing ugly skinny little pimple faced teenaged **** with a girly voice, who I would beat up daily just for being that ****ing fabulous person looking, makes a youtube video where he sings some fabulous person song in a fabulous person falsetto voice from his mommies house, and the thread gets moved to full of win and everyone rushes to tell him how cool he is and how full of win it was.
Some teenaged weeaboo nicknamed Pali whose fabulous person Gaia friends call “Candyfabulous person” and who has the most unbelieveably gay avatar I have ever seen in my entire life gets outed while trying to troll someone else, and he’s called cool.
You’re right why bother trying to hide the fact that your klan is filled with geeks nerds and fabulous persons who would get their skinny pimply faced bumes beat every single day in any self respecting high school, for being the ****wads they are, when even after they are outed for being the fabulous persons they are somehow people still think they are cool.
Thi |
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Posted On: 06/14/2008 10:28AM | View Dr_Kraid's Profile | # | ||||||
You know, ever since Biff and I parted ways (which I’m totally over, which is why this makes no sense), I have lost my poetry. Log in to see images! |
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Posted On: 06/14/2008 11:28AM | View Janie's Profile | # | ||||||
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Janie Posted:
YOUR being over him, if this is truly how you feel, gives you no reason for anxiety. Anxiety is a key element in Emo poetry. If you want your poetry back, just find another life-destroying shiny object and run with it. You’ll know what to do. Log in to see images! |
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Posted On: 06/14/2008 11:56AM | View EvilMirrorShunsk...'s Profile | # | ||||||
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TL;DR |
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Posted On: 06/14/2008 11:58AM | View Tangolho's Profile | # | ||||||
There once was an evil karp bla bla bla harp bla bla bla male reproductive organ bla bla bla bejeenis bla bla bla darp |
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Posted On: 06/14/2008 12:02PM | View Evil Karp's Profile | # | ||||||
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A mathematician named Hall had a hexahedronical ball and the cube of it’s weight plus his pecker times eight was 3 fifths of 5 eighths of ****-all . There was a young lady from the Azores Whose box was all covered with sores And the dogs in the street Wouldn’t bark at the meat Which hung in festoons from her drawers . Clinton just had to meet her; He thought that no one was sweeter. They had sex on the phone, And when they were alone, They played games like “Swallow the Leader”. . With the police still hot on his trail He was tempted by fanny for sale So the crook went to bed With a price on his head With a girl with a price on her tail . Old Mother Hubard went to the cupboard To get her poor dog a bone. But when she bent over, Rover took over ‘cause Rover had a bone of his own . The limerick packs laughs anatomical Into space that is quite economical But the good ones I’ve seen So rarely are clean And the clean ones so seldom are comical
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Posted On: 06/14/2008 12:31PM | View emotion_bleeds's Profile | # | ||||||
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Janie Posted:
I thought my haiku were why you lost your poetry. I stopped posting the haiku.
All fled—all done, so lift me on the pyre; The feast is over, and the lamps expire.
Robert E. Howard, writer, d. June 11, 1936, from his suicide note |
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Posted On: 06/14/2008 4:33PM | View xTROLLx's Profile | # | ||||||
Oh, no, don’t stop your haiku. I realized my poetry has been gone longer than that.
Never love a troll.
Log in to see images! Log in to see images! |
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Posted On: 06/14/2008 9:19PM | View Janie's Profile | # | ||||||
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Janie Posted: All fled—all done, so lift me on the pyre; The feast is over, and the lamps expire.
Robert E. Howard, writer, d. June 11, 1936, from his suicide note |
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Posted On: 06/14/2008 11:35PM | View xTROLLx's Profile | # | ||||||