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Poetry Limericks

emotion_blee-
ds

Avatar: Crying Statue

Level 10 Emo Kid

“Gloomy Gus”

There once was a fellow McSweeny

Who spilled some gin on his weenie

Just to be couth

He added vermouth

Then slipped his girlfriend a martini

.

There once was a man Robin Hood

Who lived in a Knottingham wood

He learned how to ****

from old Friar Tuck

And made Marion whenever he could

.

There once was a fellow O’Doole

Who found little red spots on his tool

His Doctor a cynic

said Get out of me clinic,

And wipe off that lipstick you fool!

.

A pirate, history relates

Was scuffling with some of his mates

When he slipped on a cutlbum

Which rendered him nutless

And practically useless on dates

.

There once was a plumber from Lee

Who was plumbing his girl by the sea

She said Stop your plumbing,

There’s somebody coming!

Said the plumber still plumbing… It’s me!

.

On the moors Kelly walked in a daze

There she’d bark at the moon and the haze

Still her friends weren’t concerned

For by now they had learned

Once a month she would go through this phase.

.

A randy marsupial named Reeves

Spent some time with the whores ‘tween their knees

When they’d asked him for money

He’d say “Listen honey

A koala eats bushes and leaves.”

.

Now down in the valley of Shneel

Lived a woman who loved to reveal

With her curtains well drawn

Standing bare as a fawn

She’d do this really neat trick with an eel

.

Now this right old man was a sick ‘un

He had a dozen hen ripe for the pickin’

He’d chase ‘em around

With his trousers pulled down

And he’d say “Whatsa matter, you chicken?”

.

A new farmer’s helper named Kull

Accidentally was milking a bull

The farmer said, “Boy yer dumb,

You done milked the wrong one!”

Said the boy, “But me whole bucket’s full.”

.

Twas a crazy old man called O’Keef

Who caused local farmers much grief

To their cows he would run

Cut their legs off for fun

And say “Look, I’ve invented ground beef!”

.

There once was a man from Madrbum

Whose balls were made out of brbum

When he’d bang ‘em together

They’d play stormy weather

And lightning would shoot out of his bum

.

There once was a man from East Kent

Whose tool was so long that it bent

To save her some trouble

He folded it double

And instead of coming…he went

.

There once was a man from Bonaire

Who was doing his wife on the stair

When the banister broke

He doubled his stroke

And finished her off in midair

.

On a knoll a young maiden named Molly

Her innocence lost through young folly

His name was Sing Chum

And too soon he did great times

And all he could say was “I’m solly!”

.

A bear taking a dump asked a rabbit

“Does **** stick to your fur as a habit?”

“Of course not,” said the hare,

“It’s really quite rare!”

So the bear wiped his bum with the rabbit.

.

There once was a girl named Tristan

Whose beer that she ordered was was ****ed in

She said “I don’t think,”

As she spit out her drink,

“On the menu that this one was listed.”

.

I had me a wench from East Broint

Who bade me her skin to anoint

The girl had arthritis

And so I decided

She wouldn’t mind one more stiff joint.

emotion_bleeds edited this message on 06/13/2008 5:20PM

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TeeKayEff

Avatar: TeeKayEff's Avatar
13

[Team Shortbus]

Level 34 Troll

“Problem Child IV”

****es ****es ****es

Britches britches britches

Ate a horse

Now I’m not

Jesus christ you’re such an bumhole.


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emotion_blee-
ds

Avatar: Crying Statue

Level 10 Emo Kid

“Gloomy Gus”

There were two young ladies from Birmingham

And here is the story concerning ‘em.

They lifted the frock

and they sucked on the male reproductive organ

of the bishop as he was confirming ‘em.

.

But the Bishop was nobody’s fool –

He’d been to a large public school.

He took down his britches

And bum-Frosted those ****es

With his twelve-inch Episcopal tool.

.

But that didn’t bother those two.

They said, as the Bishop withdrew:

“The Vicar is quicker,

and thicker, and slicker,

and longer and stronger than you.”

.

An Argentine gaucho named Bruno

Said Frosting is one thing I do know

Now women are fine

And sheep are divine

But llamas are numero uno

.

In days of old

when men were bold

and rubbers wern’t invented

they would take a sock

wrap it round their male reproductive organ

and babies were prevented

.

There once was a man named Dave,

Who kept a dead whore in a cave,

He said “I admit,

I am a bit of a Shakespeare,

But think of the money I save”.

.

there once was a very special chap,

who yammered on about crap,

offended we’d be,

the missus and me,

when he’d pull down his pants and fap

.

There once was a hooker named Sue,

Who filled her woman's genitals with glue.

When they paid to get in,

She said with a grin,

You must pay to get out of it too

.

there was a man from goshem

who took out his balls to wash em

his wife said jack if ya dont put em back

ill step on the bastards and squash em


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Alice Liddell

Avatar: Alice Liddell's Avatar

[Rutledge Asylum]

Level 20 Emo Kid

“Moan-a Lisa”

i find limericks to be too whimsical and repressive for poetry

my poems should be free from all rules~


‘twas brillig, and the slithy toves

did gyre and gimble in the wabe;

all mimsy were the borogoves,

and the mome raths outgrabe

ShunskePocke-
nberg

Avatar: ShunskePockenberg's Avatar

[The Original fabulous personies]

Level 35 Emo Kid

The Japanese Jew

I find these…humorous.

I laugh, even.

If you read the clues…

You’ll find this is a most difficult thing to do.

Dr_Kraid

Avatar: Dr_Kraid's Avatar

[Team Shortbus]

Level 10 Emo Kid

OH GOD MY AVATAR IS HAUNTED

THERE WAS A YOUNG BLACK MAN NAMED fine upstanding member of society

WHO KNEW THAT HIS male reproductive organ WAS BIGGER

HE WAS IN A PORNO

HIS CO-STAR SAID “WHOA”

AND BOUNCED ON HIS HARD male reproductive organ LIKE TIGGER

i have the soul of a poet


[quote]Golden Horde Posted:

I believe you, after all why should you guys cover it up?

Some ****ing ugly skinny little pimple faced teenaged **** with a girly voice, who I would beat up daily just for being that ****ing fabulous person looking, makes a youtube video where he sings some fabulous person song in a fabulous person falsetto voice from his mommies house, and the thread gets moved to full of win and everyone rushes to tell him how cool he is and how full of win it was.

Some teenaged weeaboo nicknamed Pali whose fabulous person Gaia friends call “Candyfabulous person” and who has the most unbelieveably gay avatar I have ever seen in my entire life gets outed while trying to troll someone else, and he’s called cool.

You’re right why bother trying to hide the fact that your klan is filled with geeks nerds and fabulous persons who would get their skinny pimply faced bumes beat every single day in any self respecting high school, for being the ****wads they are, when even after they are outed for being the fabulous persons they are somehow people still think they are cool.

Thi

Janie

Avatar: Janie's Avatar

[SRSLY]

Level 25 Emo Kid

I... HAERT TEH FIREFOX TOO!

You know, ever since Biff and I parted ways (which I’m totally over, which is why this makes no sense), I have lost my poetry.


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EvilMirrorSh-
unske

Avatar: EvilMirrorShunske's Avatar
3

[Grey Goose Mafiosi]

Level 23 Emo Kid

“Bleeding Heart”

Janie Posted:

You know, ever since Biff and I parted ways (which I’m totally over, which is why this makes no sense), I have lost my poetry.

YOUR being over him, if this is truly how you feel, gives you no reason for anxiety.

Anxiety is a key element in Emo poetry.

If you want your poetry back, just find another life-destroying shiny object and run with it.

You’ll know what to do.


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Tangolho

Avatar: Tangolho's Avatar
4

[Team Shortbus]

Level 24 Troll

The Repeater

TL;DR

Evil Karp

Avatar: Evil Karp's Avatar

Level 2 Re-Re

There once was an evil karp

bla bla bla harp

bla bla bla male reproductive organ

bla bla bla bejeenis

bla bla bla darp

emotion_blee-
ds

Avatar: Crying Statue

Level 10 Emo Kid

“Gloomy Gus”

A mathematician named Hall

had a hexahedronical ball

and the cube of it’s weight

plus his pecker times eight

was 3 fifths of 5 eighths of ****-all

.

There was a young lady from the Azores

Whose box was all covered with sores

And the dogs in the street

Wouldn’t bark at the meat

Which hung in festoons from her drawers

.

Clinton just had to meet her;

He thought that no one was sweeter.

They had sex on the phone,

And when they were alone,

They played games like “Swallow the Leader”.

.

With the police still hot on his trail

He was tempted by fanny for sale

So the crook went to bed

With a price on his head

With a girl with a price on her tail

.

Old Mother Hubard went to the cupboard

To get her poor dog a bone.

But when she bent over,

Rover took over

‘cause Rover had a bone of his own

.

The limerick packs laughs anatomical

Into space that is quite economical

But the good ones I’ve seen

So rarely are clean

And the clean ones so seldom are comical


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xTROLLx

Avatar: Ear Safety Pin

[Island of Avalon]

Level 13 Emo Kid

“Gloomy Gus”

Janie Posted:

You know, ever since Biff and I parted ways (which I’m totally over, which is why this makes no sense), I have lost my poetry.

I thought my haiku were why you lost your poetry. I stopped posting the haiku.


All fled—all done, so lift me on the pyre;

The feast is over, and the lamps expire.

Robert E. Howard, writer, d. June 11, 1936, from his suicide note

Janie

Avatar: Janie's Avatar

[SRSLY]

Level 25 Emo Kid

I... HAERT TEH FIREFOX TOO!

Oh, no, don’t stop your haiku. I realized my poetry has been gone longer than that.

Never love a troll.

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xTROLLx

Avatar: Ear Safety Pin

[Island of Avalon]

Level 13 Emo Kid

“Gloomy Gus”

Janie Posted:

Oh, no, don’t stop your haiku. I realized my poetry has been gone longer than that.

Never love a troll.

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yeah you shouldnt love trolls but you can love a “troll”

Ok i will continue the haiku if it will please you.

.

The more pain I feel.

I hear the voices screaming

My life sucks so bad.


All fled—all done, so lift me on the pyre;

The feast is over, and the lamps expire.

Robert E. Howard, writer, d. June 11, 1936, from his suicide note

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