AN: This story goes out to all the gays in the world. If you’re a gay-hater, **** you. Stop persecuting us.

Harry lifted his head. Semen curled down the side of his mouth, coagulating around his chin. His tongue snapped out and licked it off. The semi-sweet taste, mixed with the pungent aroma of sweat and feces brought Harry to levels of ecstasy previously unexplored by man.

“You’re magic to me, Draco.”

Draco flipped himself over into the doggy-style position.

“With a little help from Madame Erotica’s Never-Fail Orgasm Fantastique.” He winked. Harry came. “It’s only 5 galleons. Or you could trade in 50 of Hagrid’s Flamboyant Gay Bar credits.” Harry thrust back and forth, like a jackhammer, a magic jackhammer.

“Oh…oh…OHHH!!1”

Draco withdrew and turned around in mock panic.

“You didn’t great times in me, did you?? I could get pregnant!!”

Harry laughed.

“You’re so cute, Draco baby. No, I didn’t great times. But I thought of a great idea! Why don’t we spend all our free time stripping, so we can get these magic dildos?”

Draco stared in a blank expression, a state typically known as hyperglycemia, from swallowing too much semen.

“Then,” Harry continued, “we can rent or sell them for much more to the other horny students of Hogwarts! Most of them have parents that check their Gringott’s debit card every week, so they can’t buy it themselves. But my parents are dead, and your parents are major male reproductive organholders in the company! Therefore-”

Draco interrupted by grabbing Harry’s rigid manhandle and pulling him into a 69 position. He stopped slurping up the succulent manjuice for a few seconds.

“Stop worrying about money, Haaaarrryy. I’m too horny!!!” Draco quickly returned to his duties.

Harry lifted his head for a second time. “Alright, alright, you sexy Dark Lord you.”

Draco looked out from between Harry’s legs blearily. His eyes were obscured by a curtain of great times.

“Mmmm, your male reproductive organ is so juicy. It reminds me of one of those Muggle hot dogs, except not as long or wide.”

They continued to 69 in bliss for several minutes, minutes during which Harry swore he had risen so high that he could see his parents in heaven. Finally, he felt that warm sensations creeping up his shaven crotch.

“Ohh YES!! YES DRACO!”

“Mmmm, I told you, nothing can match the mouth of a Death Eater.” He winked, and immediately regretted it.

“OWWW, OWWWWWW, MY VOLDEMORT!!! SATANDAMMIT!! MUGGLE****ER!!!” He ran out into the hallway, screaming incoherently. The other males in the dorms looked up, or rather down, in admiration. Draco reached the end of the hallway, before being stopped by an icy cold hand.

“Draco, what did I tell you?”

Draco turned towards the voice.

“Professor Snape, is that you?? OH DARK LORD, HELP ME!!”

Snape sighed.

“I told you, use a condom. It’s a highly useful Muggle invention, like all other Muggle inventions. Like dildos. And up til 20 years ago, the wizard world was still casting the shiverus vibratus spell on wooden objects instead.”

Draco didn’t have the energy to respond. Tears of pain mixed in with Harry’s semen.

Snape looked on nonchalantly.

“Well, let’s just get you cleaned up, shall we? Accio Semen!” He flicked his wand daintily, and caught the flying great times with his mouth.

“Mmm. This is top-notch stuff. Let me guess, you’ve been ****ing Harry Potter again, you lucky dog?”

Draco nodded happily, his tear-streaked face in a radiant shine.

“Niiice. Let’s get ourselves down to the common room, shall we? I’ve just come in from the sky, broom-****ing, you know. It’s nice if you’re looking for the exhibitionist thrill combined with the pleasure of male reproductive organ. And I couldn’t reach Sprout today either, he was out sick. Almost every week now. I think the Muggles call it AIDS.”

Draco shook his head. “You can go ahead. I have to attend to Harry in my room.”

Snape winked saucily.

“Alright, but remember, you have two Wizard Health bumignments late. Maybe you can meet me after clbum one day, and we can discuss an appropriate…er…punishment.” He tipped his flamboyant pink newspaper boy cap and rubbed his hands in anticipation of a warm fire.

theres this guy Charlie Sheen but not me he just happens to be named Charlie Sheen and hes not an actor hes some kind of astronaut secret agent type thing anyway hes on a motorcycle and hes blazin down a high way why are there no cars on the highway your confused arent you well thats called suspense male reproductive organhead

so im Charlie Sheen is cruisin down the high way and he hits a ramp and launches all the way in to ****in space everybodys livin up in space these days that why there were no cars on the highway so Charlie Sheen is up on the space world and he gets an bumignment to infiltrate the rebel moon base on the moon the rebels dont like living in space thats why theyre rebelin

so Charlie Sheen drives his mototrcycle to the moon and he encounters the rebels prety fast and he starts punchin them and sayin funny **** and theres karate kicks where people get kicked out into space and into the heart of the sun i even rip some ****in dudes space helmets or space hats as they call them in the future so i rip their spoace hats off and there heads explode

i go into the base and i start shootin people i dont know who they are but they dead now and **** Charlie Sheen is sayin all this **** you cant here me cause im the writer duh so its all BLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAM and i got guns in both hands and i find the rebel leader and hes all like good to see you made it Charlie Sheen

and it turns out hes my brother did I mention i dammit Charlie Sheen has a brother he does and his brother was lost a long time ago during some kind of thing probably involvin space

but hes alive and the head of the rebels

i kill him anyway and they throw me a parade

**** i mean Charlie Sheen