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Okay,As we’re all aware,the world’s sickest(and possibly the most humorous joke) Is the Aristocrats.
This joke almost always has these elements—alternative versions may change this form, but such versions tend to bumume that the audience is already familiar with the joke:
1. The setup: The joke always begins with a family act going in to see a talent agent.
* Those who meet the agent can include the whole family, or just one family member (usually the father).
* The agent asks (sometimes after saying that he is not interested, and a plea from the father) what they do.
* If the whole family is present, the act may be performed for the agent, rather than described.
* There is also the possibility of a neutral observer telling the tale of seeing the performance to the talent agent.
2. The act: It is described in as much detail as the teller prefers.
* While most tellings follow one of a few basic forms, the description of the act is meant to be an ad lib.
* Traditionally, the description is crude, tasteless, and ribald. The goal is to cross social boundaries, and acts such as incest, enjoy, pedophilia, coprophilia, bestiality, and murder are common themes.
3. The punch line: The shocked (or intrigued) agent asks what the act is called, and the proud answer (sometimes delivered with a flourish) is “The Aristocrats!”
* The punchline may be modified in some variants, but generally such variants are told only in a context where the original joke is known.
* Because the sense of what an aristocrat is has faded in many countries, the final line may simply be seen as the end of a rather bawdy joke rather than a punchline. In some regions the name of the act is “The Sophisticates” or “The Debonaires”.
Here is my attempt.
A family walks into a talent agency. It’s a father, mother, son, daughter and dog. The father says to the talent agent, “We have a really amazing act. You should represent us.”
The agent says, “Sorry, I don’t represent family acts. They’re a little too cute.”
The mother says, “Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us.”
The agent says, “OK. OK. I’ll take a look.”
alright so our act goes something like this:
i come out dressed as a surgeon along with my wife dressed as a nurse dragging a stretcher.
suddenly a waltz starts playing and the lighting focuses on my daughter who walks on stage wearing only a hospital gown leaving her entire naked behind exposed. she’s 14 so she’s hot, but still inexperienced.
she proceeds to get on all fours on top of the stretcher sticking her bum out whose hole is a tiny dot.
i slip a latex glove on then tightly close my fist as tense as possible. i’ve been doing many grip exercises to ensure it’s solid as steel.
i begin fisting her. which is a tough task i have to push extra hard at first so blood starts streaming off her rim as i further push in. the crowd will be amused by her shrieks which are loud but still as you’d say “cute”
once my entire fist is inside her anal cavity, it gets stuck. i begin doing jerking motions with my entire arm which create more blood to gush. some maroon fluid begins to ooze down the bottom of her bumhole. of course that’s a mixture of the **** and blood which beautifully ends bathing her tight woman's genitals.
then i manage to press my free hand against one of her bumocks while i put both feet on the side of the stretcher and push out freeing my fisting hand.
the entire stretcher is a mess as my daughter’s new bumhole which is about seven times it’s original size starts spraying diarrhea and blood.
my wife whose now covered in **** and blood from head to toe starts licking the mess from the stretcher while i proceed to fist my daughter’s woman's genitals with the same glove i used to work her bum.
again blood starts gushing from the broken cavities. so after she great timess, i take the latex glove, now covered in ****, blood, woman's genitals juices, and great times, and roll it into a nice ball and force my daughter which by now is virtually spent to swallow it which is too much for her gag reflexes and ends up vomiting all over the stretcher.
finally, my son comes out. you should see junior he’s this cute 6 year old, who looks just like me. anyways, he brings out this bag filled with a laxatives.
my son and wife begin eating laxatives and of course we shove some Preparation H up my daughter’s bum which is so open by now that they go in smoothly.
about 5 mins later, i consume my share of laxatives, remove my pants and squat on top of my daughter’s bum. i begin reciting the Hippocratic Oath and midway threw my wife and son start showering each other with ****.
just as I’m done, this mud stream flows out my bum and into my daughter’s hole. which then erupts like a ****ing Yellowstone geyser spraying both my share of **** and hers high above.
and that’s about it.
For the longest time, the agent just sits in silence. Finally, he manages, “That’s a hell of an act. What do you call it?”
And the father says, “The Aristocrats!”
Now,Let’s hear your versions of it.
|Posted On: 03/06/2009 11:55PM||View Josh Grimes's Profile | #|
|Posted On: 03/06/2009 11:59PM||View Indiana Jonas's Profile | #|
I saw Bob Saget do the Aristocrats live, and I didn’t get it then.
I still really don’t get it now.
|Posted On: 03/07/2009 12:00AM||View Shii's Profile | #|
I want my 2 minutes back.
|Posted On: 03/07/2009 2:20PM||View Balloon's Profile | #|
Hobart Bliggity Posted:
|Posted On: 03/07/2009 2:28PM||View CrinkzPipe's Profile | #|
I don’t get it either Log in to see images!
|Posted On: 03/27/2009 11:40PM||View canhascheeseburg...'s Profile | #|
I’ve heard this “joke” before but it was very different. I can’t remember now how it went, but i know this wasn’t it.
|Posted On: 03/27/2009 11:48PM||View Fingerz's Profile | #|