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2 BP if I bust a nut (NSFW)
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I first learned about The Endless Story from Phyllis Malandra, a fine person I was married to for a number of years; she learned it from her mother. Over years of performance, it developed into a participatory show closer.
Boys and girls, I only have a few seconds left, and I am going to take these few seconds and teach you…. the longest story in the Universe!
You may think this show is all fun and games, but you are in school! And this is an educational program! And there will be a test! And you will be graded on that test! And that grade will go on your permanent record! And your permanent record will follow you around for the rest of your life!!! So, you better pay attention.
It goes like this:
(pause)
It was a dark and stormy night.
All the robbers were sitting around in the cave
And the Chief of all the robbers, turned to his second in command, and said
“Jake, tell us a story.”
And Jake said
“All right, boss, I will. And it goes like this:
(pause)
It was a dark and stormy (etc.)” ”
[I vary it by giving the Chief something like a Brooklyn accent, and Jake gets one to match. “It goes like dis!” Then the next time, Jake sounds a little like Ray Hicks. “Hit was a dark an stormy night.” Then the next time, a comic Dracula: “Yake!” “It voss a daaaark undt storrrmy nigggghhhht” Beyond that, there’s no laughs for me, so I conclude, after the pause]
“You all know how it goes, now, right? Here comes the test— we’re gonna do it together: It was a dark and stooormy night….”
[Then we do it together to the pause, and I say]
” That’s not the end of the story, obviously. The story never ends— that’s why it’s the longest story in the universe. But storytelling HAS to end SOMEtime— ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, that IS the end of this storytelling.” (big bow.)
(Tim Jennings)
2 China
During discussion about Sea Stories on the mailing list Storytell, somebody contributed their version of the above tale. The “robbers” were “pirates.” A bunch of us chimed in, including a Chinese student, living in Manhattan. His contribution was as follows:
There is an unending story from China is very familiar with it. I would like to share you all.
“Once upon a time, there was a mountain. There was a temple on the mountain. There was an old monk and a little monk in the temple. One day, the old monk told the little monk a story :’Once upon a time, there was a mountain. There was a temple on the mountain. There was an old monk and a little monk in the temple. One day, the old monk told the little monk a story…’ ”
I heard of the beautiful story when I was a little girl. My little friends and I often told the story each other for fun. When I tell the story now, it reminds my wonderful childhood …
Have a good day! Lai, Xiaohong.
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| Posted On: 11/08/2008 8:03AM |
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The Longest Story in the World
Do you know the story about the longest story in the world?
Once upon a time there lived a chief who liked to listen to stories. And he knew so many stories that sometimes he stopped the storyteller and finished the story himself.
One day the chief sent his servants everywhere to find a good storyteller.
“Our Chief will give many presents to the man who will tell him the longest story in the world and make him laugh,” the servants shouted in the streets.
Many people came to the chief and told him very long stories. They tried to make him laugh, but nobody could do that. The chief always said, “That is not the longest story and there is nothing to laugh at.”
Once a boy came to the chief and said, “Oh, my Chief, let me try to tell you the longest story in the world and make you laugh.”
The chief said, “Well, sit down and begin your story!”
The boy began: “Long, long ago there lived a man, Ubanbau by name. He ate so much that no man could feed him full. The chief of that country heard about Ubanbau and said, “Bring him to me, I shall feed him full.” And he ordered his people to bring hundreds of thousands of pots of soup, meat, and fruit. Hundreds of camels carried the pots on their backs. The camels stopped in front of the chief’s house. Many people came to see Ubanbau’s dinner. Then Ubanbau came. The drummers began to drum, the musicians began to play, and the people sang songs. Ubanbau made a bow to the chief and said to the people, “Now look at me! Look at me! Look at me! With these words Ubanbau began to eat soup. And he ate, and he ate, and he ate, and he ate, and he ate,...”
“Well, what then?” asked the chief. “He ate, and he ate, and what then?”
“Oh, my Chief,” answered the boy, “this is only the first pot and there were many thousands of pots! Wait a little. And he ate, and he ate, and he ate,...”
Evening came. The boy went on with his story; ”...and he ate, and he ate, and he ate,...” At last the chief ordered him to stop until the next morning.
In the morning the chief asked the boy to go on with his story. “Now what can you tell us about your Ubanbau?” he asked.
“Oh, my Chief, he not only ate, but drank too, so he drank and then he ate, and he ate, and he ate,...”
The storyteller said louder and louder “And he ate, and he ate, and he ate,...”
The chief looked at the boy and began to laugh. “Well, my boy, your story is the longest in the world! Have a rest now! Stop!”
And the young storyteller stopped his story, got many presents from the chief, climbed up on a camel, and rode away with these words: “And he ate, and he ate, and he ate,...” |
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| Posted On: 11/08/2008 8:04AM |
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M FACE: THE GIRL “Like any story worth telling, this one is about a girl” – Spiderman
To fully understand this story, I have to explain a little background information. Last year my friend Mike and I were part of a school field trip that lasted 5 days on a biology campus near the ocean. One of the 20 people on this trip was a girl, who for her own protection will be referred to as “M Face” (eventually “W Face”). Now you have to understand that this girl loves attention. The main problem with attention loving girls (whores if you will) is the fact that they have a 99% chance of being ugly as hell. This girl is no underdog. Well, certainly not an under. This was no normal girl. This girl was as “special” as can be (not handicapped).
On this trip, we were staying in dorms that were about 2 city blocks away from the main campus. This location was very treed and secluded, and lined the Ocean on southern Vancouver Island. This girl took it upon herself to find a shortcut through the trees to get to the main campus. She also made the deliberate choice of bringing heeled shoes to a science oriented field trip. All of this adds up to her falling down a dewy grbum hill and “breaking” her wrist. Now I had no problem with her up until this point, but seeing her on the ground hoist herself up on said wrist, and then yell in agony like she was dying did it for me. She was then rushed to the nearest hospital by use of a maintenance truck which cost the 30 or so PhD level students studying there to put off visiting certain labs in different locations until she got back. In the meantime we did our daily activities and got on just as fine as if she was there. 8 hours later, M Face and the unfortunate teacher who spent the day with her came back to the dorm rooms. M Face then decided to relay the entire story to us. It turns out that the x-ray that was taken showed that there was nothing wrong with her wrist, but as she was steadfast in her claim, they put a temporary cast on. It can only be bumumed that the doctors just wanted her the-hell out of there. Naturally her nasal wail was catastrophic for the pediatric ward. Inside, we fostered a hearty laugh, but no legitimate hatred. This was until she tells us the story about how she begged the teacher to take her to a movie that just came out in the town that the hospital was in. The teacher being a very kind lady, said “alright”, and proceeded to treat M face to not only a movie, but a movie and supper in a restaurant. This had me feeling like she was a selfish ****, but still after all this, I was feeling no hate.
The next day on this field trip, we are in one of our lectures, and we discover the other side of M Face, the side that is responsible for the name M Face. For every ten seconds that these poor PhD level students were trying to talk to us, M Face had a comment to say out loud to address the entire clbum. The name M Face comes from the facial expression made by this lovely young lady when she is talking out in the middle of clbum. (Squint your eyes at this line, and feel the muscle/fat skin between your eyebrows.) This is normal on every human being, however as stated above, this is no normal human being. Whenever she feels the need to speak pbumionately about something such as speaking out to correct the spelling of a word on the blackboard, or a gripping personal anecdote, her forehead muscle appears. The difference between all of the normal people in the world and M Face is that her muscle forms an “M” shape. Though the choice adjectives are a subject of great contention, one thing is certain. No facial expression could ever rival the ferociously revolting and equally irritating structure of this one. The letter M as in M Face became synonymous with Monster, for she was a filthy, filthy monster. And so the name M Face was born. Growing in scope, only to incite fear in those who hear the name today.
THE STORY
The meat of this story starts September 3, 2003. I walk into my social studies clbum to be greeted by three familiar faces. One is my friend Keith. One is my friend Mike (who named the monster). As you have probably guessed, the third was M Face herself, in all her glory (and it’s a lot of glory). The mood for the entire semester was set in the first clbum. Our teacher started by going over the goals of the course and all that formal stuff. The clbum was all quiet except for one “special” girl who made a comment on every single point in the handout we all had lain before us. This got annoying, but the clbum ended in the same amount of time and I was on my way. It wasn’t until lunch rolled around and I was sitting with my friends eating, when the topic of M Face came up. We pulled out the handout that we had been going over, and I counted each point. “Dear Lord! There must be 25 points here”, I said to my friends. They thought about it, and we agreed, that she had made exactly one comment at the end of each point. So I let the moment drift off as another topic grasped our table with excitement.
The next day in social clbum, I looked down to notice a small white sticker affixed to my desk. At this exact moment in time, I had a revelation, and discovered my true purpose in this Social 20 clbum. It was my duty. I had to keep track of every single stupid comment said by this stupid whore. By “had” I mean “wanted to”, to pbum the clbum time. I successfully turned her stupid comments into a clbum joke rather than a pain in the rear end. I started by doing a neat tally chart on my desk, putting down the 25 points from the first day. That day was not as promising, but I believe it was in the thirties when I left for Biology.
This tally chart continued to grow, and the entire clbum would look in my direction whenever an “M Face point” needed to be tallied. What started off as a joke, became a school legend. At this point in time the only people who did not know about the tally chart were M Face herself, and the teacher. When we were getting close to 100, we started discussing what we were going to do at the 100 mark to celebrate this feat. We ended up just cheering in clbum which caused the teacher to become confused and bumume Mike was stoned again, but it was worth it. Regardless, when we neared 100 and felt the anticipation, we set down the ultimate goal for our year in social studies.
THE GOAL
We had to reach 1000 points before the end of the semester. We figured it out, and bumuming she could average 5 or 6 comments per day, and never miss a day of school, our goal would be achieved. Needless to say, some days there was well over the average 5 or 6 points.
THE STRETCH
The abomination later went on to clock upwards of 70 points in a single 66 minute block, solidifying our need to keep record of this horrific phenomenon. It was not long before even our teacher Huey was in some way connected to the goal. It cannot be said that he had any direct knowledge of our quest, but he knew the monster as intimately as we did, and arguably faced the brunt of her insidious verbal bumault.
The day of 70 was only rivaled by the day that can only be remembered in one word, “poo poo”. We were required to dress up as a certain historical figure and give a speech to the clbum. Not letting this chance pbum, M Face chose to let us know that what we were doing were actually called “****aquas” (I have searched for the real word and I have never been able to find it. It is still up in the air whether this was a lie or not.) Either way, our entire clbum, including the teacher, must have used the word “****aqua” at least 200 times in the next week. M Face was now officially the clbum’s personal mascot.
EDIT : Macheath discoverd the real term is chautauqua see about 5 posts down.
Over the first five weeks of the school year we had some big days, and some small days. There were even a few rare occasions where she got 0 points in a single clbum. Exactly five weeks since the first day of school we hit 350 points. This was a ceremonious day, in that the torch was going to be pbumed. My little white sticker, which fate kept from being taken off the desk, was full. We decided to continue counting on a sheet of loose leaf paper, and Keith would become the official counter.
It was after the torch pbuming that we discovered her weakness. I am not proud to admit it, but the three of us messed with nature and we did indeed poke the bear. We discovered her absolute love for homosexual oriented peoples. Anytime our teacher (very cool guy, would talk to us about stuff that he knew would get us talking) would bring up homosexuals, and if marriage should be legal, she would have something to say. So, anytime this topic would come up, we would have the chart ready to get down a ton of points. Many times we would bring up stuff about gays, or make remarks about gays, in order to boost her point count.
Another of her cliché lines is “When I used to live in (either U.S.A or Thailand) we did this like (whatever we are talking about)!” We had a lot of fun with this line as well. Anytime either of these countries was mentioned in clbum, we would wait for her response of “I lived there”, and she never let us down. Between this the “****aqua”, and the gays, you are able to see the way she was able to make a run for 1000 points.
We once again planned, when we reached 700 points, we would pbum the torch. However, four months into the five month semester, we pbumed the official counting on to Mike at 666 instead of 700. We decide that this number was very significant, and this point should be remembered. He took the same sheet, and continued the tallying. We figured it out, and after a slow middle, she was going to have to average eight or nine points per day. It was going to come down to the wire.
Somewhere around the 666 point mark a revelation was made. This M that we had seen 666 times on previous occasions had evolved. The M for monster had converted itself into a W for whore. I don’t know exactly when it happened, or how, but it had clearly changed in those couple months. This discovery, made by Keith, forced us to change her epic name to “W Face”. However, we decided that since M Face was so well known by the name “M Face”, both would now be acceptable terms.
THE DAY
Skip to the last day of the semester, January 16, 2004. The three of us strolled into clbum to take our seats knowing that today would not be like any other day. As I mentioned to Keith, “This is our Superbowl.” It all came down to one day. No body could have planned it out better than this. Precisely five months earlier we had gotten together to set a goal of breaking 1000 points, and here we were sitting in this clbumroom for the last time sitting at a grand total of 983 points. We knew it wasn’t looking good for us. We needed 17 points in 66 minutes. Regardless, not one of us even pretended there was a chance we were not going to get it. This was our duty. The clbum started with some review, in which she made 3 quick points by arguing that Germany, England, and France were all in the Triple Alliance, until our teacher finally told her that she was wrong. 14 points in 60 minutes. We might make it. All of a sudden, whether our teacher was in on it, or the planets were aligned that day, our teacher put a debate question on the board and asked us to debate it. This happened once a week, and is responsible for a good 20 % of her points. January 16, 2004, was no different. M Face started by claiming the rich countries need to support poor countries and not loan them money. This was just her stance, which was not worth any points. However, then she decided to add that “All of the poor countries are too stupid to know how to spend it properly so if we help them instead of giving them money it will be more help.” It went downhill from there. BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM. 10 points in a matter of 15 minutes. WE WERE GOING TO MAKE IT. We now have 45 minutes to get 4 points. There is no way we aren’t going to do it. When all of a sudden our teacher chooses to conspire against us, as my planet theory fell apart. He put a movie in that covered a major part of our semester’s lesson. The one thing about M Face was that as rude as she was, she never interrupted the movies. All of our hard work was hanging by a thread. This movie turned out to be 20 minutes long, leaving us with a manageable 25 minutes to work our magic. All rules broke down, and I just shouted “GAY” as loud as I could in the middle of our clbum. It worked! M Face turned around only to say, “You know, that isn’t very nice” BAM. 3 to get in 22 minutes. The teacher ignored both of our comments, and continued on with review. 21. 20. 19 nothing was happening. 18 we were starting to worry. 17. 16. 15.14. At 13 all hell broke loose.
Our teacher stood up at the front of the clbum almost eerily. He looked out over the clbum and uttered the worst sentence possible, “If you guys answer some questions for the next 4 minutes, I will let you out 10 minutes early.” The clbum became happy, only worrying about getting home 10 minutes sooner. They do not understand! If Only they could understand the importance of this. We now needed 3 points in as many minutes. The three of us yelled, “Start in that corner”, pointing directly at M Face. He obliged and asked her a question. In the heat of the moment I forget the question, but I remember her answer was, “Well when I lived in the U.S.A…..” I zoned out. BAM. 2 in 2 minutes. We can do this. When I looked up from Mike marking the sheet I heard her voice. Her beautiful manly annoying voice. Angles singing would have made me less happy at that moment. And all she said was, “Well that was a stupid question!” BAM. All we need is one more point in 1 minute. We thought it was possible, but the fates conspired against us, and he moved on to the next person, asking them a question. He only got through about 3 people when it came to 2:50. One of the girls in the front row asked if we could go, to my dismay our teacher said yes. Our Superbowl had been taken from us. We were stopped on the goal line. However I saw my chance. There was a 4th down. I jumped out of my desk. She picked up her bag. I pushed Keith out of my way. I heard him say, “No, it can’t end this way!” She took a step towards the door. I leapt over a chair. She is now 3 feet away from the door. I push the desk she was sitting in out of the way. She turns around 1 foot away from the door. I jump at her and with all my will suppressed inside me; I took one for the team. I wrapped my arms around her with all the emotion that had been contained inside me, only to hear the sweetest thing for the 1000th time. She screamed, “What the Hell” in a tone that I will never forget. I immediately let go. WE WON. It was all over. BUZZER BEATER! I ran to Mike’s desk. He was already cheering. He never did get to write 1000 on the sheet of paper, because in the heat of the moment all he could manage was to get down the 1000th tally, and write “Oh My God” right next to the 950. I grabbed the sheet and did my victory lap. Keith, Mike and I had done it.
THE END OF AN ERA, THE BEGINNING OF A LEGEND
All throughout this historic event and certainly for a long time after, there have been many imitators. Many followers hoped to recreate the ultimate glory experienced by the original three, but they have all failed. Some individuals, most nearly as stupid as M face, had been inducted into a “counting-pact”, but they all proved to lack the endurance of the Great One. And thus, her name, along with her intolerable disfigurement, will forever hold a place in history. A place in history as the most legendarily terrible person to ever open their mouth too often. |
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| Posted On: 11/08/2008 8:07AM |
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| Posted On: 11/08/2008 8:58AM |
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omg |
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| Posted On: 11/08/2008 9:15AM |
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| Posted On: 11/08/2008 9:29AM |
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I really hope you make it this long Log in to see images! Log in to see images! |
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| Posted On: 11/08/2008 11:17AM |
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The Female:
Well, the females are again a little trickier. There are two courses of action with a female fin: Masturbation, or mating.
Masturbation: Female dolphins, once they show interest in you, can be supported in much the same way as the male, one hand under the fin, supporting her, the other doing the stimulating. The clitoris of the female is located at the top of the genital slit, and is a prominent lump when erect. You can rub this with your finger tips, or lick and suck it, but with the oral aspect, you might end up with a bruised nose as they thrust up into you. You can slide your hand gently into their genital opening, and feel around inside, rubbing gently. They feel warm and muscular inside, their labia like tough, squishy sponge when they are excited. Don’t be surprised if they start to play with your hand inside them. They have very manipulative muscles, and can use them to carry and manipulate objects, including your hand. (They can do things that would make a regular human woman turn green with envy.) Their climax is coupled with stiffening, shuddering, sometimes a lot of thrusting, clinching of the woman's genitalsl muscles, and sometimes vocalisation.
Mating: This is harder. Obviously, being human, it is awkward, but not impossible to mate in open water. It is easier to have the dolphin in a shallow area (like the shallows just off the beach) around 1 1/2 to 2 feet deep. This is usually comfortable enough for both the dolphin and you. Gently, you should roll the dolphin on her side, so she is lying belly-towards you. You can prop yourself up on an elbow, and lie belly to belly against her. You may want to use the other arm to gently hold her close, and place the tip of your member against her genital slit. She will, if interested, arch her body up against you, taking you inside her body. There is usually a fair bit of wriggling and shifting, usually to get comfortable, both outside and inside. Once comfortable, though, females initiate a series of muscular woman's genitalsl contractions that rub the entire length of your member. They may also thrust rhythmically against you, so enjoy the experience while you can, since you will rarely last longer that a minute or two. Just prior to her climaxing, she will up the speed of her contractions and thrusts. It is interesting to note that the times I have mated with females, thay have timed their orgasm to mine. Whether they do this consciously or not, I do not know, but it is a great feeling to have two bodies shuddering against each other at the one time.
One thing to note. Whether you masturbate or mate a fin, male or female, always spend time with them afterwards. Cuddle them, rub them, talk to them and most importantly, and show them you love them. This is essential, as it helps to strengthen the bond between you. Like a way of saying that this wasn’t just a one night fling. The dolphins appreciate it, and they will want your company more the next time you visit them. |
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| Posted On: 11/08/2008 11:18AM |
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| Posted On: 11/08/2008 11:40AM |
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Copypasta.
Civil War, /b/
There’s some **** going on /b/ right now. It’s like a Civil War going on /b/. And there is two sides, oldfabulous persons and newfabulous persons, and newfabulous persons have go to go. Anytime oldfabulous persons want to have a good time ignorant bum newfabulous persons ****ing it up. Can’t do ****! Can’t do ****, without some ignorant bum ****ing it up! Can’t do nothing! Can’t make some original content thread open more than 100 posts. Grand opening…grand closing. Can’t see cool posts on the front page… WHY? Because newfabulous persons are talking about THE BEST.
Discuss.
I Just ****ed My Sister Well wouldn’t you hit it? Over and over again? Well wouldn’t you hit it? Over and over again?
This is NOT copypasta. I repeat NOT copypasta.
I know coming to /b/ for advice is a top notch bad idea, but I honestly have no where else to turn because this situation directly involves my family, and friends.
Let me start from the beginning, I am 18 and my sister is 21. I just finished high school and my sister is home from college. I guess this year her grades started slipping or something, because I walked past her room and she was crying. I walked inside her room to ask her what’s up and she hands me a letter – apparently she’s up for review by her college for dismissal. I feel kinda sorry for her so I gave her a hug and one thing led to another and we started making out. This is really weird because I’ve made out with girls before, but my sister blows them all out of the water. In the back of my mind lies the fact that she’s my sister and what we are doing is sick and wrong, but I guess my sister has more experience and it felt so ****ing good.
Here’s the dilemma – after making out, Karen started taking her clothes off and she started pulling my pants down. I’m like, hey, what are you doing? She’s like, oh come on Jordan, aren’t you even a LITTLE curious? I felt bad because its true, my sister is a hottie and I always wished that she wasn’t my sister. I’ve even gone as far as to fap to thoughts of doing her. She then said “For tonight, let’s not be brother and sister. I really need this because I feel like **** right now and our parents won’t be back till late and we aren’t going to tell anyone.
I pretty much just ****ed my sister. No, to be more honest, I just lost my virginity to my sister. My question, /b/, is WHAT THE **** DO I DO NOW?? What do people usually do after they **** their sisters?
The Girl Next Door
When I was 12 I had my first sexual experience. At the time, I lived in a little suburb outside of Cleveland and anyway, the girl next door and I were really good friends. Our parents were both gone for the day and she was over playing Transformers with me. So anyway, we kinda got.. Bored I guess? And we started playing truth or dare, which turned into ‘you show me yours, I’ll show you mine”. So anyway there I Was, 12 years old, heart pounding, blood rushing in my ears, and the chick (who was a year older than me actually) takes off her panties and hikes her little skirt up. So What did I do, you ask? I whistled for a cab, and when it came near, the license plate said “fresh” and there were dice in the mirror. If anything I could say that this cab was rare, but I thought “naw forget it, yo home to bel-air!” I pulled up to the house about seven or eight and I yelled to the cabbie “yo homes smell ya later!” Looked at my kingdom, I was finally there. To settle my throne as the prince of bel-air.
[edit] Alpha Male
I’m an Alpha male /b/.
And girls want to **** alpha males. Let it **** you off as much as you want, but you know it’s completely true. That girl you like who is kinda cute in a weird way, but is totally sweet and you have the biggest crush on? The one who keeps going back to guys who treat her wrong for reasons you don’t understand? The one who calls you up at 1 am to cry about how her boyfriend hasn’t called her in 3 days, and no matter how long you listen to her, she’ll never think of you as anything other than asexual? The one who will curl up next to you on the couch, hug you close, kiss you on the cheek, and never let you ****ing touch her beyond that?
Yeah, I’m ****ing her.
The hot girl who won’t even look at you when you nod at them and smile? The one who laughs when you trip in the hallway and drop your stuff? The one who comes up and coyly asks for your help with her homework, and then pretends you don’t exist once you finish?
Yeah, I’m ****ing her too, even harder.
The geeky girl you think might be enough like you that you have a chance with her? She plays warcraft on your server, and watches anime, and reads comics? She’s so incredible and you just love her so much but you still haven’t worked up the courage to tell her how you feel about her?
Guess who just sucked me off and told me they’ll always love me?
Angry sun Anyone else see asianface in this? Anyone else see asianface in this?
When I was about nine, I had recently gotten a Nintendo Entertainment System from a garage sale down the road, the first gaming system I ever had. One game that I bought was Super Mario Brothers 3, the final chapter of the widely-acclaimed SMB trilogy, which like in the original Super Mario Brothers consisted of Mario/Luigi chasing after Princess Toadstool (whose name has since been bastardized to ‘Peach’Log in to see images!. Back on topic though; I popped in the game in my new NES and pressed Start. I started at World 1, of course, and began playing. During this, I got used to the controls, map, and all that jazz. After all, it IS supposed to be kinda like a tutorial level. So I had advanced to World 2, “Desert Land” and I was moving along rather smoothly. In the back of my mind, I knew that at some point the levels would start to get more difficult. I soon noticed a tile, one unlike the other tiles (Toad houses, numbered tiles, etc). It appeared to be some cross-hybrid of flowing diarrhea and sand, which caught my attention. I navigated my way to the tile, and hit the A bumon and was warped to what appeared to be a normal level; there even was a happy sunshine in the top left corner! As I side-scrolled my way through the level, the ****ing sun decided to go ape**** and sodomize me repeatedly until I finally broke down in tears, throwing my controller at the ground screaming for my mom. That ****ing bastard.
And no, this is not copy pasta.
Atarii E.T.
Most gamers know the story of the hundreds of thousands of E.T. cartridges Atari crushed, encased in concrete, then buried in Alamogordo, New Mexico. What most gamers don’t know is who Atari buried along with them…
/b/ is…
/b/ is the guy who tells the cripple ahead of him in line to hurry up. /b/ is first to get to the window to see the car accident outside. /b/ is the one who wrote your number on the mall’s bathroom wall. /b/ is a failing student who makes pbumes at his young, attractive English teacher. /b/ is the guy loitering on Park Ave. that is always trying to sell you something. /b/ is the one who handed his jizz-drenched clothes to Good Will. /b/ is one who introduced you first to Goatse. /b/ is a hot incest dream that you’ll try to forget for days. /b/ is the only one of your group of friends to be secure in his sexuality and say anything. /b/ is the guy without ED who still likes trying Viagra. /b/ is the best friend that tags along for your first date and male reproductive organ-blocks throughout night. The decent girl you’re trying to bag walks out on the date, /b/ laughs and takes you home when you’re drunk, and you wake up to several hookers in your house who /b/ called for you. /b/ is a friend that constantly asks you to try mutual masturbation with him. /b/ is the guy who calls a suicide hotline to hit on the adviser. /b/ is nuking the hard-drive next time someone knocks on his door. /b/ is the one who left a used condom outside the schoolyard. /b/ is the voice in your head that tells you that it doesn’t matter if she’s drunk. /b/ is the friend who constantly talks about your mom’s rack. /b/ is the only one who understands what the hell you saying. /b/ is someone who would pay a hooker to eat his bum, and only that. /b/ is the uncle who has touched you several times. /b/ is still recovering in the hospital, after trying something he saw in a hentai. /b/ is the pleasure you feel guilty of when you tried playing with your bum during masturbation. /b/ is wonderful.
/b/ is not…
I realize that most of you have ether forgotten what /b/ is or are simply newfabulous persons who don’t know.
/b/ is not where we make posts talking about our personal lives and our problems…we’re not your ****ing livejournal /b/ is not some place where we giggle at memes….we’re not ****ing YTMND /b/ is not some place where we make confessions we’re not ****ing grouphug /b/ is not some place where we find pictures on other websites and post them here …we’re not ****ing ebaumsworld /b/ is not some site where we go to jerk off to hentai pics….we’re not ****ing aerisdies /b/ is not some place that you go to, to get someone to hack your girlfriend’s e-mail account because shes cheating on you for the 15th time…we’re not your ****ing personal army /b/ is not some place you go to ask for help with a personal problem, we’re not your ****ing psychologist /b/ isn’t some place you go to trash talk other people you’ll never meet simply because its an anonymous board with “no rules” and you can get away with it with out any repercussion…we’re not a ****ing group of internet tough guys /b/ is not NICE
so /b/....what IS /b/...i want to see how long it takes for someone to get it.
Beating up a girl SEE ALSO: Azn enjoy SEE ALSO: Azn enjoy
when I was 13, I tied up this girl that was 12 with a jumprope, then beat the **** out of her.
By the time I was done, her lip was split, her wrists were bleeding from the rope cuttin into them, one of her eyes was swollen shut, she was missing two teeth, her small mammary glands will entirely black and blue, her woman's genitals was bleeding, and I’m fairly sure that several bones in her feet were broken.
When I let her down, she crumpled on the floor and went into a fetal position and just hugged her legs to her chest and sobbed quietly.
I suddenly got very aroused seeing that, so I pulled out my male reproductive organ (I has actually hit puberty 12, and was hairy, balls dropped and everything functioning) and started jerking off quietly. Eventually, I started to breathe harder, and she noticed what I was doing, and she just looked at me with this look of absolute horror on her face.
It was at that moment that I climaxed and sprayed probably my biggest load of great times ever all over face and chest.
Then, I picked up her torn shirt from the ground, wiped off my male reproductive organ and tossed it to her.
I told her to clean herself up and that if she ever told anyone, I would go to her house and kill her while she slept, and that if anyone asked who hurt her, she should say a bunch of high school kids did it.
When I think back on it, I think she was the first girl I ever loved.
...god I’m ****ed up. |
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| Posted On: 11/08/2008 12:36PM |
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Log in to see images! Log in to see images! Log in to see images! Log in to see images! Log in to see images! Log in to see images! Log in to see images! Log in to see images! Log in to see images! Log in to see images! Log in to see images! Log in to see images! Log in to see images! Log in to see images! |
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| Posted On: 11/08/2008 12:49PM |
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View 7VibratingLangst...'s Profile
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girls will be grils, i completely understand. |
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| Posted On: 11/08/2008 12:57PM |
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Pavilion Posted:
Actually, if he (the thread starter) says it’s okay, then it is. Same goes for trolling. Read the ****ing rules before you quote them. |
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| Posted On: 11/08/2008 12:58PM |
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Nicco Posted:
You should. |
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| Posted On: 11/08/2008 1:07PM |
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you are now thinking of your third grade teacher having a cup of tea.
Your fap got blocked. |
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| Posted On: 11/08/2008 1:57PM |
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IS nudity OK to the poster? Having to blur everything is annoying |
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| Posted On: 11/08/2008 2:01PM |
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Bondage****
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I have nothing to say, no mammary glands to post… But I’d kick your bum if I could. If you jack off to this, you are attracted to femdom. |
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| Posted On: 11/08/2008 2:02PM |
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Log in to see images! DarkDespair5 edited this message on 11/08/2008 2:04PM |
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| Posted On: 11/08/2008 2:04PM |
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mmmMMmmm Alyssa: Log in to see images! |
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| Posted On: 11/08/2008 2:06PM |
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moar Log in to see images! |
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| Posted On: 11/08/2008 2:08PM |
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