You are currently looking at Flamebate, our community forums. Players can discuss the game here, strategize, and role play as their characters.
You need to be logged in to post and to see the uncensored versions of these forums.
|Funniest joke wins 1 BP (Up to 10 BP)|
I’m taking the wife and kids north for the weekend, so the final judging will take place Sunday night. Don’t forget there are 2 extra brownie points to award so get those jokes in. I look forward to reading them Sunday.
|Posted On: 08/28/2008 8:37PM||View CoreyJess's Profile | #|
Lessons in manegment:
Lesson Number One
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, “Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?”
The crow answered: “Sure, why not.”
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.
All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
Lesson Number Two
A turkey was chatting with a bull. “I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree,” sighed the turkey, “but I haven’t got the energy.”
“Well, why don’t you nibble on some of my droppings?” replied the bull. “They’re packed with Nutrients.”
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
Finally after a fortnight, there he was proudly perched at the top of the Tree. Soon he was promptly spotted by a hunter who shot him from the tree.
Bullsh*t might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.
Lesson Number Three
When the body was first made, all the parts wanted to be Boss. The brain said, “I should be Boss because I control the whole body’s responses and functions.”
The feet said, “We should be Boss as we carry the brain about and get him to where he wants to go.”
The hands said, “We should be the Boss because we do all the work and earn all the money.”
And so it went on and on with the heart, the lungs and the eyes until finally the bumhole spoke up. All the parts laughed at the idea of the bumhole being the Boss.
So the bumhole went on strike, blocked itself up and refused to work. Within a short time the eyes became crossed, the hands clenched, the feet twitched, the heart and lungs began to panic and the brain fevered.
Eventually they all decided that the bumhole should be the Boss, so the motion was pbumed.
All the other parts did all the work while the Boss just sat and pbumed out the sh*t!
You don’t need brains to be a Boss – any bumhole will do.
Lesson Number Four
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold, the bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field. While it was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, it began to realize how warm it was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and
happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A pbuming cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him!
1) Not everyone who drops sh*t on you is your enemy.
2) Not everyone who gets you out of sh*t is your friend.
3) And when you’re in deep sh*t, keep your mouth shut!
|Posted On: 08/29/2008 2:33AM||View undeed's Profile | #|
Oh, see, now I feel kinda stupid as I bumumed I would.
However I guess I didn’t think it was just pertaining to the latest film, lol. Batman is a wide…batman.
|Posted On: 08/29/2008 10:51AM||View InaneAnomaly's Profile | #|
This guy had just moved into his new apartment. When he was down checking the mail he ran into a gorgeous girl who immediately strikes up a conversation with him. She was wearing a robe, and he noticed she had nothing on underneath.
After a while, she stops and says, “Hey, I think I hear someone coming. Why don’t we talk up in my room.” He diligently follows her, and as soon as he steps into the room she shuts the door, strips off her robe, and says, “Tell me, what is my best feature?” The man stares dumbfounded, then shyly mumbles, “your ears.”
“My ears?” she asked, obviously upset, “You look at this perfect body and you say my ears? Why?”
He looks away and replies, “Because when you said you heard someone coming, it was me.”
|Posted On: 08/29/2008 9:08PM||View Nocturnal_Hearta...'s Profile | #|
I know this is almost over, but I had to share this for you and your Wife… It’s from my Mother, with love.
There is a new study about women and how they feel about their bumes,
and the results were pretty interesting:
30% of women think their bum is too fat….........
10% of women think their bum is too skinny…...
The remaining 60% say they don’t care, they love him, he’s a good man, and they wouldn’t trade him for the world.Heartless edited this message on 08/30/2008 2:11PM
|Posted On: 08/30/2008 2:10PM||View Heartless's Profile | #|
Moses, Jesus, and an old man are playing golf. Moses goes first and hits his ball straight into the water hazard. “No problem,” he says. He rolls up his sleeves, parts the water, walks to the ball, chips it onto the green and gets a birdie. Jesus goes next and his ball lands in the water hazard, too. “No big deal, he says. He steps onto the pond, walking accross the water to find the ball resting on a lilly pad. He swings his club and manages to get an eagle. The old man goes last, and also hits the ball into the water trap. Moses and Jesus chuckle a little, then the old man puts up his hand and says quietly, “Wait for it.” Ten seconds later, a screaming hawk dives toward the water hazard, skimming its surface, and pulls up a fish. As it flies off, the fish coughs up the man’s golf ball, which ricochets off of a nearby tree and rolls into the hole. “That’s a hole in one,” says the old man. Jesus leans over to Moses and whispers, “I hate playing golf with my dad…”
|Posted On: 08/30/2008 5:50PM||View numbers1377345's Profile | #|
Back from around 1992 or so:
“Recently I saw that the U.S. Olympic team was sponsored by La-Z-Boy, Budweiser, and some medicine to keep you from getting the runs… keep you from running sponsors the Olympics? And then this is shown on television all over the world so that the whole world thinks America is nothing but a bunch of lazy-bum drunks trying to keep our **** together.” — Gallagher, We Need a Hero
|Posted On: 08/31/2008 5:37AM||View Jubbles's Profile | #|
What do you get when you combine an agnostic, an insomniac, and a dyslexic?
Someone who stays up all night wondering if there really is a dog.
|Posted On: 08/31/2008 12:26PM||View Big Brother's Profile | #|
Bump in the hopes we get 2 more funny submissions, so we can end this thing tonight!
|Posted On: 08/31/2008 3:29PM||View CoreyJess's Profile | #|
There are two muffins in an oven. One muffin says “Oh my gosh it’s hot in here!” The other says “OH MY GOSH A TALKING MUFFIN”
|Posted On: 08/31/2008 3:45PM||View FAIL's Profile | #|
There’s one extra credit BP!
|Posted On: 08/31/2008 8:54PM||View CoreyJess's Profile | #|
There’s the last winner! Thanks everyone who entered, we’ve got some great jokes here!
|Posted On: 08/31/2008 8:59PM||View CoreyJess's Profile | #|
Maybe I’ll resurrect some FoW threads so that it looks like something is happening here.
|Posted On: 02/07/2015 1:36AM||View Catt although's Profile | #|
You brought me here….
|Posted On: 02/28/2015 9:44PM||View Kittygurl1357's Profile | #|