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Trolls! THE INTERNETZ WANTS US SHUTDOWN!#5. Develop Anti-Troll Software
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Imagine a world where you get in a heated argument in a hallway, but before even one sentence can get fully out of your mouth, a robot voice pipes up and tells you to cool it. Well, what sounds like really stupid science-fiction in real life is entirely possible online. Of all the futuristic movies to turn out to be cruelly accurate, who would have thought it’d be Demolition Man?
I’m talking about programs like:
StupidFilter:
This highly experimental piece of software is in beta and will some day be able to recognize comment stupidity the moment it’s posted. They have a demo on their site you can play with.
You plug this code into your comment section and it’s like a strap of tape over the mouth of every teenager who can’t type a sentence without including the word “fail.”
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Robot9000:
This is a program invented by Randall Monroe, the XKCD webcomic guy that requires every post to be unique. If someone types “First!”, no other post can ever consist of just that.
This sounds pointless to anybody who’s never been in a chat room or message board before, but the rest of us know better. Mindless repetition of jokes (or “memes”Log in to see images! is one of the primary tools of bored trolls who want to fill a thread with noise to drown out the signal. For once, many will find themselves using keys other than Ctrl-V.
Audio Preview:
Linguists speculate that no single body of written communication in the history of human language has ever been as collectively very special and horrible as the comments under YouTube videos. After the aforementioned Randall Monroe suggested a feature to force users to hear their comment read aloud before they can post it, YouTube implemented that very thing (though only on an optional basis). Many a YouTuber has sat in dismayed silence after realizing that “lol wut”, when spoken aloud, did not sound as clever a they had first believed.
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Real-Time Voice Censor:
Now we’re in the realm of the real Demolition Man-type solutions. Want to know how bad Microsoft wants to control the trolls on Xbox Live? They’ve patented a real-time voice censoring program. Yeah. You curse into your headset and it bleeps it in real time. How does it know the difference between “The male reproductive organ crows at midnight” and “My male reproductive organ grows at midnight”? With technology. Don’t question it.
Of course, widespread use of this stuff will just kick off the same “DRM vs. pirates” arms race we see any time they try to control human behavior with software. The humans always win.
Also, the technology has to get a whole lot smarter before we can even try. Playing with the StupidFilter demo I linked earlier taught me that it doesn’t find any stupidity in the sentence, “lol, wut your mom farts lolcats.”
There are better ways. For instance, you can… (view post) |
11/12/2008 |
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Trolls! THE INTERNETZ WANTS US SHUTDOWN!Log in to see images!
You might not be aware of this, but there are a lot of male reproductive organheads on the Internet.
Since this phenomenon seems to get worse with the size of the crowd, it is theorized that we will reach a critical mbum; an bumhole Apocalypse, if you will. That’s when casual Internet users—and the corporations who want their business—will step in.
There are ways to solve this crisis, but I’m telling you now, you won’t like some of them.
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But first, the problem… Right away let me shut down everyone who’s snorting derisively into their can of Mountain Dew and saying, “Trolls will be trolls!” You should know that there are billions of dollars at play here. The trolls are driving away business, and that simply won’t be allowed to continue. I’m not saying I’m rooting for it—I’m saying that’s the economic reality.
There are two huge, growing industries at stake: social networking and online gaming.
Social networking is at the heart of “Web 2.0,” the future of the online world, the Facebook/MySpace/Twitter web where users create all the content and their parent companies make billions just for hosting it. It’s a pretty sweet deal.
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Or it would be, if they could only convince everybody to use it. But they’re finding that lots of users will communicate online with people they know (virtually all use email and 37% use private text messaging), but only 8% use message boards or blogs or anything else that exposes them to the Internet’s bumheads.
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Hell, look at this site. We just had an article that was read by 305,396 unique users in a few days … but fewer than 100 of them joined the conversation down in the comments. That’s .002%, folks. It’s not that the Cracked comments are mostly very special or nasty; it’s that for a normal person, the memory of getting called a ****tard in public even one time is striking enough to make them avoid the comments forever, even if it was accompanied by 10 non-****tard comments. It’s human nature to remember the ****tard.
It’s the same in gaming. There are reports that most people who give up online gaming aren’t frustrated by the games themselves or technical issues. It’s the sheer number of ****wads they have to play with. Even on the most popular online multiplayer game, World of Warcraft, 70% of new players stay in modes where they don’t have to interact with anybody else.
So there is a clear barrier to entry for the vast majority who haven’t joined the Web 2.0 party, and that barrier is a moat full of dip****s. How can we bridge it? I see five ways: (view post) |
11/12/2008 |
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Contest: Post in this thread for a chance to win 3 BP!BlankTH Posted:
Which further makes me wonder about how I can’t get out of all this ****! Maybe there’s too much male reproductive organery shoved in here… (view post) |
11/12/2008 |
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Contest: Post in this thread for a chance to win 3 BP!metal_tamagotchi Posted: |
11/11/2008 |
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Contest: Post in this thread for a chance to win 3 BP!BlankTH Posted:
That’s all well and good, but I’m still up in that ****! Have you considered laxatives? I’m finding it hard to breathe… (view post) |
11/11/2008 |
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Contest: Post in this thread for a chance to win 3 BP!BlankTH Posted:
You dirty LIAR! I just looked at your profile page, and I’m all up in that ****. (view post) |
11/11/2008 |
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Contest: Post in this thread for a chance to win 3 BP!BlankTH Posted:
You could’ve ended it since my dissociative chain-posts. (view post) |
11/10/2008 |
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epeen now displayed in inchesWhat am I gonna say? “Baby, I’ve got ten solid… centimeters… of man-meat right here!” Metric FTL when it comes to BOIOIOIOIOING. (view post) |
11/09/2008 |
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A thread of art.MicRo-BreAtH Posted:
He’s had neck-reduction surgery. The giraffes went through similar procedures to elude their enemies. (view post) |
11/08/2008 |
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Yes on Prop 8?AllisonInvisible Posted:
What’s worse (I’m still hung up on the no-gay thing, but apparently/seemingly we (Florida) already have something in place banning that), only hetero marriage will be considered anything worth ****. Anything else like it, even among a hetero couple, will mean nothing. What’s up to the courts, from what (little) I’ve read, will be what is defined as being similar enough to (in scale/function/whatevz) to marriage. Q: If all the frills are done away with, what all would it take for a couple to marry (for the legal benefits), esp. for the old people, as brought up in |
11/06/2008 |
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Girllss... post yer mammary glands!!WifeOfGob Posted: |
11/06/2008 |
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Happy Anniversary ForumWarzI was distracted by pumpkinheads, constantly turning my clothes to rags )or rags to rags) and my loot to (admittantly neat) jack-in-the-boxes and jack-o-lanterns! (view post) |
11/06/2008 |
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Contest: Post in this thread for a chance to win 3 BP!I was totally viewer 667 (and, with this, 668 I s’pose). (view post) |
11/06/2008 |
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IF MY TIT POST VOTE THING GETS TO 200 I WILL POST MY VAGWe need a shaving tutorial, as part of a comprehensive hygiene [inter]course. (view post) |
11/06/2008 |
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HEY BRAZIL!Log in to see images!
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**** YOU! (view post) |
11/06/2008 |
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Obama's promise: Job board points are hard to get because the site lags*skips many posts*
In just trying to get past the Church of Saiyantology during my consecutive pwnings runs, I had to suffer a third failed job on this alt (this or the Emo) and the first on my Camwhore. It sucks the worst when you figure you might’ve been able to get in in that/whatever given amount of time if only things didn’t take ~6 seconds just to visibly change. (view post) |
11/06/2008 |
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Dupe Forums and Consecutive PwnageMC Banhammer Posted:
Yeah, in answering it for someone, I listed two different URLs until I checked it all out. Srsly, just enter a forum and see if what’s listed at the top is identical, ‘cause it’s kinda hard to have two differen,t identifcally named pages (a firend of mine had to identically named PowerPoint presentations (or something) in the same folder, but I’ll pin that on Macs, which suck).
Also: What is the deal with what I bumume are Europeans using commas where a decimal point should be? Leaving the comma out of a four-digit integer, that I can understand, since it’s still easy to visually pick out the number of numerals, but what happens when I want to show “123,456,78”? (view post) |
11/06/2008 |
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Holiday Mission: "The Eight Days of Pwn-ukkah" <spoilerz>handofg0d Posted: |
11/06/2008 |
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A thread of art.http://www.amanosworld.com/html/work.html
Also:
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inb4 “weeaboo” (view post) |
11/06/2008 |
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Holiday Mission: "The Eight Days of Pwn-ukkah" <spoilerz>Thank you (jeebus, even her profile’s blocked?!), though her prof. pic. would be even nicor… Log in to see images!
By “untouched”, I mean that I still have to “**** off the Old Farts!” (view post) |
11/06/2008 |