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deus is my exMy favorite Dues Ex Machina involves:
1. Another World/Out of This World Your alien friend survives, but you die. 2. bumbumin’s Creed The Altaïr bits are flashbacks taken from the mind of his descendant. 3. Alone in the Dark You can kill Sarah and become possessed by Lucifer, whereby you open the gates to Hell. Alternately, you can spare her and watch as Lucifer possesses her instead. 4. Baldur’s Gate II Yoshimo betrays you. 5. BioShock Jack has been genetically engineered so he’s really only two years old. Atlas is also Frank Fontaine, and has been controlling Jack with the phrase ‘Would you kindly…’ the entire game. 6. Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare Sergeant Paul Jackson dies. 7. Call of Juarez Reverend Ray McCall becomes your ally before dieing in the finale. 8. Chrono Trigger Crono dies halfway through the game. 9. Command and Conquer: Yuri’s Revenge
Yuri is sent back in time and eaten by a T-Rex. 10. Crackdown The Agency is evil. 11. Daxter The Ottsel made the whole game up to impress his pals down the pub. 12. Dead Space Isaac’s girlfriend is dead all along. 13. Diablo 2 The Archangel is Baal. 14. Dragon Quest VIII
Your pet mouse is your granddad. 15. Fable 2 Your dog dies. 16. Fallout In the finale you’re exiled from Vault 13 into the desert 17. Far Cry Doyle’s bad to the bone, baby. 18. Far Cry 2
The Jackal escapes. 19. Fatal Frame 2: Crimson bumerflies The bumerflies aren’t just faint apparitions, they actually represent the red marks on your sister’s throat as you throttle the life out of her. 20. FEAR Fettel is your brother. 21. Final Fantasy IV Golbez is Cecil’s brother. 22. Final Fantasy X Tidus fades away because he’s just a figment of his homeland’s imagination. 23. Final Fantasy tactics Things get stabby, with Ovelia and Delita knifing each other. 24. Gear of War
ZOMG! Carmine dies! 25. Gears of War 2 Dom’s wife dies. Oh, and another Carmine also carks it. 26. Grandia II The Pope is the villain. 27. Grand Theft Auto IV Depending on the ending you pick, either Kate or Roman dies. 28. Grand Theft Auto: Vice City
Lance Vance betrays Tommy. 29. Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas Big Smoke and Ryder are backstabbing bad guys. 30. God of War Kratos is the one who killed his family. 31. God of War II Zeus is Kratos’ father. 32. Half-Life 2 Judith Mossman betrays the resistance. 33. Half-Life 2: Episode 2
Eli Vance dies. Horribly. 34. Halo 3 Master Chief doesn’t die. 35. Hitman Blood Money Diana injects 47 with poison before reviving him at his funeral. 36. Ico Yorda gets washed up on a beach after the credits. 37. Jak 2: Renegade
Kor is king of the Metal Heads. 38. Jak 3 Damas is Jak’s father. 39. Kameo: Elements of Power The Mythic is a baddie. 40. Kane and Lynch In one ending Kane leaves Lynch to burn. (view post) |
07/05/2009 |
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contets for 2 bpThis forum has a character count, so this is all you get.
There’s this civil engineer who has a dream of a super-interstate-highway running from Los Angeles to Washington DC. After years of lobbying, he finally is awarded a contract to construct a perfectly-flat, perfectly-straight 16-lanes-each-direction highway from Los Angeles to Washington. So he employs all the best surveyors, to make sure the highway is a perfect straight-line from LA to DC and to make sure it stays perfectly flat. He subcontracts with only the best construction crews and uses only the best materials. He decides the existing tunnel-diggers and mountain removers just aren’t up to the job, so he has bigger ones built, ones that can remove a half-mile swath of the Rockies in a week. They start in LA, and a few months later, they’re overlooking the greater Washington metropolis.
Just one more hill to remove before they start work on the terminus and the merging into DC’s outer belts. It’s a small hill, really, but it’s got to go. So they call in one of the smaller mountain-removers to remove it, and just as the machine’s getting ready to erase the hill, a snake pops up out of the hill and screams “Wait!”
Obviously, this catches everyone by surprise, so they wait. The snake continues, “My name’s Nate. Nate the Snake. You can’t destroy this hill! You mustn’t!”
“Why not?”
“Because there’s a lever buried under this hill, and it’s attached to a doomsday device. If the lever is tripped, it’ll blow up the entire Earth!”
The engineer consults with his team. “What do you think?” “It’s a talking snake.” “Yeah, but do we believe him? Do we go around the hill, or do we plow it over?” “Do we believe him!? It’s a talking snake! Who’d believe us?” In the end, they decide to err on the side of caution and build the highway around the hill. So, when they’re finished, they’ve got a highway running from LA to DC that’s perfectly-flat and perfectly-straight, except for this minor detour around a hill.
So they’ve got the ribbon-cutting ceremony, and as a perq for designing and building the highway, the engineer gets to be the very first person to use it. So he hops into his Lambourghini in LA at dawn and floors the pedal. 30, 40, 50mph. Shifts into 2d gear. 70, 90, 110mph. He keeps accelerating until the car just can’s go any faster.
Shortly before sunset, he’s approaching DC, and he remembers the hill. So he slows down to around 225mph to negotiate the slight turn. And he sees Nate crossing the road! He can’t squish a talking snake! Especially one that kept them from blowing up the Earth. So he swerves to avoid hitting Nate, and plows into the hill at over 200mph. He trips the lever, and the Earth blows up.
The moral of the story…
Better Nate than lever. (view post) |
07/05/2009 |