KaaVink's Flamebate Posts

Contest for 45BP: Friend me!

Friended.

**** my life

This site really amuses me:

http://www.fmylife.com/

Today, my wife left me the following voicemail: “Alex, last night was amazing. You took me to places I’ve never been to before. I can’t wait to see you tonight after work.” My name is Rob. We haven’t had sex in two years. FML

Today, I had just gotten over the flu and thought I was better. So me and my boyfriend decided to have sex. As I was about to orgasm, I puked all over his face. He was so disgusted that he ended up throwing up on me as well. FML

Today, my girlfriend told me that she’s pregnant. We’ve been together for three months. Two years before we began dating I received a confirmed successful vasectomy that she doesn’t know about yet. FML

Draginz Updates!!

Log in to see images!

My eggs need attention.

3bp contest - guess the number

13533

Shin Megami Tensei: Imagine

I’m interesting in having a look at it when I have time.

I just hope it won’t be disappointing.

20 BP raffle! See how.

Picket Posted:

ATHEISM IS ****ING fine upstanding member of societyS.

CLOSED: Post to win 10 BP! Ends Dec. 31st!

Crap. I can’t remember if I ever posted in this thread in the first place.

Post?

Contest: Post for a chance to win 45 BP

Wait, what?

CONTEST: Slash fiction, Forumwarz style! 8 BP up for grabs + Unique E-Peen!!!!!

Ugh, I’m probably really going to regret doing this. I could probably have done more with this if it weren’t for the 800-word limit (despite the fact that I went over this limit) and for the fact that I started feeling uncomfortable with this partway through. Ah well… Either way, I know I’m going to regret this.

What happens in Vegas

The man who called himself Salmon took a deep breath of the Las Vegas night air and patted the cash in his pocket. It had been a lucky night for him thus far. But he had the feeling that it would only get better from here on out.

He was gazing at all the bright lights, trying to decide where to go next when he heard a hiss from a nearby alley.

“Pttht! Hey thexthy!”

Salmon hesitated a moment, unsure if he was the one being addressed. However, his normal sense of curiosity had only been enhanced by all the alcohol he’d had throughout the night. He cautiously took a few steps closer to the alley.

“Are… are you talking to me?”

“Of courth, thexthy. Who elthe would I be talking to?”

Salmon felt a little uncomfortable as he came even closer, a feeling that was enhanced by the faint smell of eggs. But despite that, he almost got a feeling that this was one of those life-defining moments.

“What do you want from me?”

“Your name would be a good thtart.”

“I’m… I’m…”

Salmon realized that he was stammering, but couldn’t quite work out why. There was something about the voice that filled him with equal parts dread and anticipation. He took a deep breath and tried to calm down.

“I’m called Salmon”, he replied in a much more controlled voice.

The voice from the alley sounded almost pleased at it said: “Thalmon, eh? That’th abtholutely wonderful. Thome people call me Bear. And you do know that bearth eath thalmon, right?”

The way that the voice almost seemed to caress these words made Salmon feel very uncomfortable. But despite his instinct to get away as far as possible, he found himself taking a few steps closer to try and catch a glimpse of the source of this voice. He saw a faint outline in the alley and got the impression of an impressive bulk.

“That’th right, come clother.”, the voice said. “I’m thure there are thome thingth you’re curiouth about. Thome thingth I can thow you.”

“While that sounds really exciting, I really need to get back to my girlfriend.”, Salmon said. But despite his words, he did admit to a certain amount of curiosity. He’d always felt a certain amount of emptiness while with his girlfriend and there was a part of him that was telling him that this would be his chance to learn why. He took another few steps closer.

“That’th right. Your wordth thay one thing, but deep down inthide, you know you want to thatisfy your curiouthity. Come clother.”

He was at the alley mouth now. He glanced around at the bright lights, feeling their call to him to return to his normal life and to forget about any experiments. But he closed his ears to that call and, taking a deep breath, stepped into the alleyway.

He reached out his hand and felt it being enclosed by a larger, almost gentle hand. In that moment, Salmon could swear that he’d just touched the hand of his personal savior. And, since there was only one appropriate response to this, he dropped to his knees.

“Good. You underthand”, Bear said as Salmon’s mouth was filled with the most wonderful thing he’d ever felt. It was a feeling that none of the women he’d been with had ever given him. Almost hungrily, he sucked on it as if it were what he’d been born for.

It wasn’t long before Bear said: “Enough. That wath jutht the beginning. Now it’th time for me to thow you what thith ith all about.”

Salmon quickly found himself bent over as Bear moved behind him.

“Now, thith may come ath a bit of a thock. Thome people take it better than otherth. Time to thee how you handle it.”

The anticipation was almost killing Salmon. Anticipation that just built more as he slowly felt himself being penetrated from behind. His entire body shivered as he let out one great cry of ecstasy and almost immediately pbumed out.

Salmon woke up with his head feeling a little fuzzy. He noticed a scrap of paper lying by his hand and, rubbing the sleep from his eyes, he picked it up and read it. It was a note from the man who’d called himself Bear.

“Hey thexy. I hope I managed to thow you a whole new world latht night. Thomehow I get the feeling you won’t be able to go back now. You know what you need to do. Follow your dreamth, honey.

P.Th. The way you thquirmed latht night felt more like a trout than a thalmon. Ever think of changing your name?”

He stood up a little uncertainly, his body still feeling a little sore. In fact, his crotch almost felt the way he imagined a zombie would. But all he could think of as he stumbled off to his new life was this great man that had shown him the way he needed to live his life. And he somehow felt that he needed to create some sort of tribute to this man.

Smiling a little, he decided that the first step would be to follow his advice and change his name to Trout.

Something I've deeply pondered and thought I'd share with everyone...

I sometimes look back at some of the things I did as a teenager and wonder what the hell I was thinking.

So it’s also inevitable that I’ll think the exact same thing in a few years time. The trick is to leave behind a legacy that you can be proud to be ashamed of.