Jalapeno Bootyhole Posted:

Performed two (fully original) haiku and was soundly defeated in the preliminary round. My opponent brought a couple “serious” haiku to the table, and the wuss judges were easily swayed. Having nothing but filth and degeneracy in my arsenal, I didn’t stand a chance! Luck of the draw, I’d say.

When I was in high school, I entered an “International Optimist” Essay Contest that had students discuss the JFK quote “War will exist until that distant day when the conscientious objector enjoys the same reputation and prestige that the warrior does today”.

The obvious approach would be to talk about humanity’s history of glorifying violence and perpetuating conflict while contrasting that with the growing accomplishments of peace activism from the 1960’s+.

My approach was to characterize Kennedy as a Machiavellian who slept with Neustadt under his pillow, and that he used peaceful rhetoric to manipulate both his supporters and critics. Since he understood humans who attain power would always use violence to maintain it, he had to use it too (albeit covertly) to achieve his ends while being mindful to entertain the fantasies of those who believe peace alone was possible. This flexing of hard and soft lines of power allowed him the discretionary authority to resolve conflict without hindrance from critics whose good intentions would have otherwise jeopardized his efforts.

My correspondent said I made it to the semi-finals, but while persuasive if my essay was selected he and all his colleagues would have been fired. Log in to see images!