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for one thing there isn’t enough puppet mastery in your posts. try to work on that. secondly, your poetry lacks blood-related metaphors—perhaps you should add some? thirdly, i would advise inserting more references to the night and/or darkness, though preferably not so opaque (such as my soul is like the night)
here is a sample line for you to use, free of charge my soul cries for the stars but i cannot reach within myself to find them
note the reference to souls, (though you are avowedly anti-theist, souls make you seem a better writer regardless of talent, and is helpful go-to if you are stuck in your writing), stars (night), and soul-searching, though the lack of a blood metaphor could be worked on. good luck. Log in to see images! let us remember those carefree days |
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Posted On: 11/06/2007 9:39PM | View PANTY MAYHEM's Profile | # |