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Birdcage

Avatar: Chugging Beer

Level 40 Troll

“Hot Sauce in the Dick Hole”

Really, no one’s replied to this? It sounds epic.

True story:

It was a sunny September afternoon, and I was at an amusement park – Thorpe Park, in England, to be exact. Me and some friends were making the most of a day off school to go have some fun. We’d been there a few hours, done all of the big rides, and were just settling down for lunch. Before I got into the Burger King, I noticed an old fair game I hadn’t done in a long while – one of those Test Your Strength games, where you whack the thing with the hammer, and it shoots a little iron thing into a bell.

One of my friends, Martin, said he could do better than me. I laughed at him, cos I’m 6 foot 1, and muscley, whereas he’s about 300lbs of flub. I happily excepted, and let him go first. He didn’t go bad – 8/10 on the scale, or so. I hefted the hammer and grinned at him.

I smashed that mallet as hard as I could into the thing. I managed to ring the bell, scoring 10/10. I remember that much. From this point, I’m recounting what I was told happened.

The mallet’s head, being tough rubber, was slightly springy. I caught it on the metal lip of the pad you hit, and it bounced. Back into my forehead. I was told I stood upright for about 15 seconds, fighting to stay upright, before I just pbumed out flat on my back.

I woke up 2 days later, in a hospital bed. I’d managed to fracture my skull – turned out it wasn’t too serious, but it had some…fun effects on me, heh.

For the next month, I was in diapers. I had completely forgotten how to pee. I could **** in the toilet just fine, but I had to learn how to not **** myself again. For two months, I was stuck in my house – just walking to school was enough to make me vomit, with a splitting headache. Also, even now, years later, loud noises hurt my ears, like a ****.

On the plus side, I actually can see better in the dark now. I always had perfect vision, but now my eyes adjust to low-light levels really damn fast. Was examined by a few optometrists, they were amazed at how well I can see in the dark. So it wasn’t all bad, I suppose.

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