Because of this thread I just contacted the Department of Defense and we are inventing a new form of a personal internet tracking device.

Next week, every person in the world will be required to get a nanochip equipped with a 4G transmitter that has it’s own personal IP and MAC address. Whenever you go on a computer, you just hold down the side of your neck to press the chip, and it’ll start transmitting your info to the computer, making your own personal proxy. This way, we can make sure that nobody will ever be banned for using some other persons computer somewhere.