“So apparently I was really drunk yesterday and hit a woman with my car. When you think about it, really, it’s her own fault. She should’ve been in the kitchen.” – Zach Braff on driving

“Around the holidays I love handing out turkeys at the local food bank. I just wish I could see the looks on there faces later when they thaw out a 10 pound chunk of dog ****. That never gets old.” – Zach Braff on keeping the holiday spirit alive

“Every single person wants to do it, don’t hate me because I had the guts to follow my heart!” – Zach Braff on incest

“I knew I’d made it as an actor when he was shaking just being in my presence” – Zach Braff on Michael J Fox

“I tried it a few times but didn’t see the point. I’m Zach Braff. What the **** do I need a team for besides holding me back and sucking? If I wanted that, I’d just walk on the set of ‘Scrubs’.”