emohunter Posted:

This was not a very good story. I think the part where you start with “once upon a time” is ok to use sparingly but its become very commonplace and almost cliche and had the rest of your story made up for this (it didnt) i would overlook this opening line however as it stands you didnt make up for it so this part shows that you either arent good with writing or didnt put much effort into your work. The remainder of your story was not a story at all, it was just a statement which is also not even true so its not a very good statement and it uses slang which makes things worse. You didnt even back up your statement with examples or opinions so really all we have here is you saying something that is not very well thought out and doesnt stand as a valid arguement.

I think if you want to write a story about me or about anyone else labeled as you collectively you should first start with an outline of what the overall point is you want to get across in this case you have that, in that you think that I/we suck. This could be your theme without just saying it. Next you should start with an original sentence this would show that you care about your work. Finally you should create a plot in which there is a begining middle and end. Ususally you can start with a setting decribing where and when we are and who is there, and then you can build the characters by describing them and or by discussing their dialogs and behaviors. Next you can introduce a conflict, what has occured that our characters must deal with or overcome and finally you have a resolution and this resolution can be me/us sucking thats cool remember its your theme but its still not accurate about me but if this is fiction (that means make believe or made up) then its ok to make things up its not lying because we know its just a story.

All in all I give you a D-. I would give you an F if this was an bumigned task but since you wrote this story all by yourself it shows initiative even if there was no follow through. See me after clbum.

I respect your critique, improvement will follow through.

Also, I’m so eager to see you. Log in to see images!