I think it all started a few years ago. I used to play Pokemon, you see. Yes, I admit it. There was this one kid I knew. He was a total retard, dumb as they come, but he was nice, and some sort of savant at Pokemon. Kid was pure, grade-A brilliant at that game. Totally obsessed as well. Best trainer ever, even though he could barely spell his own name. He had this one Pokemon, a Mudkip, that he could crush anyone with.

So anyways, Halloween comes. He decides he’s going to dress up as Ash… and this is in high school. Like I said, kid was obsessed. Anyways, this other guy with a V mask (you know, the Guy Fawkes one), goes up to him, and looks around to make sure nobody was watching. He didn’t notice me, apparently. “So,” he says to this poor kid, “I heard you like Mudkip.” “Mudkips!” the kid responds. “I love Mudkips!” “Oh, really? So would you ever **** a Mudkip, that is…” “Of course!” I wasn’t sure where the V-mask kid was going with this, until he reached into his backpack and pulled out a Mudkip plushie while saying “Well, I just so happen to have a Mudkips here, and…”

Next thing you know, the retard grabs the Mudkip plushie, pulls down his pants, starts making this weird sound, and begins humping the Mudkip. The V-mask guy stared in shock for a second, then disappeared into a restroom. A crowd formed as people sought the source of the noise, and about two minutes later the V-mask kid came out of the restroom, still snickering. Next thing you know, some cheerleader tried to grab the doll. The retard bit her. Yes, bit her. Then she started yelling, and the football players attacked the retard. The cops came, but they just stared in shock. So the principal hit the intruder alarm and sent us all back to clbum.

I never saw the V-mask kid again. Apparently his mother totally freaked out and sent him to live with his aunt and uncle in Bel-Air.

Anyways, seeing this all left me pretty scarred. I mean, the kid wasn’t right in the head, and screwing with him like that was just mean. It was on that day I lost all faith in humanity.