Holy ****…so much blood…so, so much blood. What? We’re back?

HEY FOLKS! Well, sorry about the technical difficulties but Wild Paul came by with his untrained tigers and well…how about those prat falls? Animal control teams slipping on blood is never not funny.

Except of course for their families!

What’s in the news…

Madonna’s adoption request has been denied.

Hey, Madonna, why don’t you adopt some woman's genitalsl tightness!

But seriously, I once crawled inside Madonna’s woman's genitals because I thought it was a Motel 8.

It was easy to get confused, what with the great times stains covering everything!

My youngest song called me awhile back and asked me why I forgot his birthday.

It’s hard to explain to an 8-year-old that you don’t love him.

That’s why I just hung up on him!

But seriously, I hate my children. I can only hope my rampant negligence, abuse, and unmasked contempt has destroyed their lives as thoroughly as they ****ed up mine!

But as much as I hate kids…

I’m still not going to use a condom!

Honestly, it’s just because I enjoy placenta so much.

It makes my hair so shiny!

I’m ****ing tired!