Here’s my favorite posts:

Today, I spent almost my entire English clbum turned on thinking that the hot girl next to me was playing footsie with me. That is until she stood up and I realized I had been rubbing my foot on her backpack.

Today, my phone rang for the first time in four days. It was my mom. She dialed the wrong number.

Today, I decided to send my boyfriend a pic text of me naked. I accidently sent it to my dad and got a text back saying “You definitely take after your mom”.

Today, my girlfriend dumped me proclaiming she wanted someone more like her “Edward”. I asked her who Edward was. She held up a copy her “Twilight” book. She was talking about a fictional vampire.

Today, I got fired from my job. I worked for my parents.

Today, my girlfriend gave me a blow-up doll and told me to practice.

Today, I bought a jacket with real fur on it. Turns out, i’m allergic and now my ears look like they have herpes on them.

Today, I asked my boyfriend to have sex. He told me he would rather play ps3.

Today, I was running to the bus stop to catch the bus. The bus driver smiled, waved, and drove away without letting me get on.

Today, I took a big sip of water while on a bus. It went down the wrong pipe causing me to cough loudly. The old woman sitting across from me asked if I was ok. Joklingly I said “Yeah, just dying..” – She replied “You too, huh?”

Today, I got up at 5am, brushed my teeth, shaved and showered to get ready for work only to step barefoot in a huge pile of dog crap in the middle of my living room floor. I don’t own a dog.

Today, my friend’s son asked me how much coke costs in this place. I told him “about a dollar?” He said “wow, that’s really cheap for blow.” He’s 10.

Today, I walked in the snow and saw some kid slip. I laughed and felt good about myself. Then I fell.

This site is hilarious, already got it bokmarked.