ohhhh man. today i went back to the deli near work (i call it the diarrhea deli) and got like a huge roast beef sandwich with bacon and mayo and other terrible things. like a half hour later, my colon was burbling and i knew it was gonna be chocolate rainin’. but the fatbum service guy was in the bathroom for like, 12 hours, so i couldn’t ****! i thought about doing it in the warehouse behind some boxes, but then i’d have to work next to it for the rest of the day and it would smell. i held it in all day and tried not to cough or sneeze because i know my bumhole would open up like a floodgate. when i carried heavy boxes up the stairs i had to clench my bumcheek muscles together. by 4:00, i was pretty much just standing there holding my bum cheeks against each other with my hands, trying to contain the **** that would undoubtedly spew out of my bum so forcefully that it would rip a hole in my jeans and splatter against the copy machine behind me. FINALLY the fat **** hogging the bathroom left, so i held my breath and went inside and couldn’t even be bothered to take a paper seat cover out of the dispenser. i didn’t even sit down. i just pulled my pants down and let it loose all in one fluid motion. it was ****ing ALL OVER THE TOILET SEAT, in the toilet, on the floor next to it, and a little bit even splattered all the way up on the mirror. jesus god. that was pretty ****ing hard core, even for me. it also smelled like rotten eggs mixed with burnt coffee. i don’t even know how to explain it. but that was a lot of ****. ****.